Month 10 is nearly over. As the race is quickly coming to an end, I’ve started to reflect more and ask myself some questions. How have I seen God move? Have I grown in the ways I’ve hoped to? Am I coming home the same person that left 11 months ago?
I’ve been fairly quiet the entire race in regards to blogging and keeping in touch with people back home. It was not something I had planned. As the race developed it became clear that I didn’t have blogs to write because I didn’t fully understand what God was doing in the places we have traveled to, and I didn’t understand if I was learning and growing in the ways I had hoped to. I learned how to be fully present where I am at, but when it comes to communicating and expressing those experiences with people halfway across the world, I’m still clueless. Even when I’m home, I have doubts that I will find the right words to express to describe what I’ve seen.
The way time passes on the race has taught me more than I ever expected. We’re constantly on the move, constantly in a season of transition. A month can seem to drag on forever, but it can also come and go in a flash. After you account for travel days, getting adjusted to our new surroundings and learning about the ministry and culture we’ve been placed in, we really only have a few short weeks before we’re preparing to say our goodbyes. A month is probably one of the most challenging lengths of a trip. It’s just long enough to start forming meaningful relationships, but it’s also an amount of time that can slip right through our fingers if we’re not intentional about making an impact. Little did I know, 11 months has that same time-warped effect as one month does. Maybe life is like that too. It seems so long, we assume we have a lot of time to step into everything God created us to be, but time comes and goes faster than we can ever imagine.
At any given time on the race, we have numerous (good and important) things vying for our attention. We desire to form meaningful relationships with our host and the ministry we’ve been placed at. We want to connect with the five other people we’ve been placed on a team with. We want to know what they are going through, what God is teaching them, what’s bringing them joy, and what they’re struggling with. We want to keep up with the other teams on the squad that are having separate experiences all throughout the current country we are in. We want to connect with all the locals we meet through ministry and living life in the community. We want to FaceTime our family back home. We want to rejoice with our stateside friends that are getting engaged, married, and having babies. We want to share stories, celebrations and challenges with our loving, supportive community in our home church. We try to keep our squad mentor, squad coaches, and squad leaders updated through weekly questions they send to us. And most importantly, all 46 of us have a deep desire to intimately know our Heavenly Father. Not one of us are content with a faith that simply goes through the motions.
Back to the concept of time passing quickly. I’ve been reminded this year of the short time period Jesus did ministry. He was only given a 3 year window to plant the seeds that would start the Christian faith and spread the gospel to the ends of the earth. Jesus also had quite a few things vying for his attention. It seemed that nearly everywhere he went, crowds of thousands of people followed him. Jesus took the time to teach, heal, and have compassion on everyone who sought him out. He worked diligently to impart faith and kingdom understanding into his 12 disciples that would carry the gospel after his death. Jesus constantly dealt with religious leaders that tried to trap him in his own words. After one of his teachings, a group of Pharisees tried to push him off a cliff!
Jesus never let the distractions of this world and the voice of people speak louder than the voice of His Father. If anyone who has walked this earth has ever had a right to become offended, discouraged, or angry, it was him. Jesus was openly rejected by man, but he never let offense build up in him. Jesus offended a lot of religious leaders, but he never let that prevent him from speaking the truth in love. Thousands followed him, but it was usually motivated by a desire to get something from him. In one story, he healed ten lepers, but only one came back to thank him. When he was crucified, all his faithful followers scattered, leaving him to die a painful death alone. Even in the midst of agony, the cry of his heart was “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” He was free to love everyone, because He received all his sonship, identity, and affirmation from his Father. His life perfectly represented the will of the Father, but only because he was fully committed to relationship with His Father when no one else was looking. Read the gospels. Notice how many times it mentions that Jesus went off by himself to pray. Jesus was tempted in every way, but he never gave in to sin. He says in John 4 that his literal food is to do the will of his Father.
As I’m coming to the end of my race, I’m recognizing how many times I needlessly worried over things that were out of my control. I wanted to please everyone. I wanted to find my approval and my acceptance from people. I was still looking for my identity to be found in my achievements, my relationships, and in performance. Perhaps I let the voice of all the good things around me speak louder than the most important thing, the voice of my Heavenly Father? If Jesus was completely dependent upon God for his identity, WHY do I think I can successfully live in my own strength?
Jesus said in John 5, “The Son can do nothing by himself; he can only do what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.”
I’m learning more and more that Jesus wasn’t empowered to live the life he lived because he was God. He was God, but he willingly gave himself human limitations. Jesus lived the life He did because he was a son, and he knew it. As believers, we are given the same helper, the same Holy Spirit that was given to Jesus. Maybe my shortcomings and my worries don’t have to be such a part of my life. Maybe I don’t have to be a slave to making everyone around me happy. When I get overwhelmed by the fact that I never seem to have enough hours in the day, maybe I should adjust my priorities. What burdens have I put on myself that are not from Him?
If you’re struggling with anything similar, maybe you should ask yourself this question. “Whose voice is loudest?”
