These past few weeks, the question I have been asked the most often about the World Race is “So, are you worried about raising the rest of the money?” This is a difficult question, and I find myself having to stop and think each time it’s asked.
Rewind about 3-weeks-ago to our Erie Young Adults baptism service; this service was a planned water-baptism service where anyone and everyone was invited to make a public declaration of their faith in Jesus and be baptized in water just as Jesus tells us to do in the Bible. I always love baptism services, because what could be more exciting than seeing groups of people leave their pasts behind and experience new life in Jesus; but this night was different. I had prayed that morning for God to move in a big way, and for lives to be changed. But more than that, I prayed for my best friend Sarah to take that step in her faith and be baptized. Sarah has been through so many faith-testing experiences, including addiction and overwhelming anxiety, but her story is powerful and shows the victory that Jesus has for us. I felt so sure in my heart that Sarah would be baptized that night, so when she came up to me right before the service started and told me she wasn’t going to do it, I felt crushed. I didn’t understand why, and the controlling person I am couldn’t accept that maybe God had a different timeline than I did.
The service began, people began getting baptized, and I disconnected from the whole thing. My selfish desire for things to work out the way I wanted, the way I planned them took over. Suddenly I felt the anxiety rushing into me in huge waves and thoughts that were lingering in the back of my head came to surface…”What’s going to happen to everyone here while I’m gone?”…”What if something bad happens to someone I love?”…”Do I really want to leave the comfort of this place behind?”…”Why hasn’t my financial support come in already?”…”Does God even want me to go?”…”Why wouldn’t God want Sarah to be baptized?”…
The questions just kept flooding, and then I broke down. I was on my knees asking God what the heck was happening to me; asking God why was this all coming up now, and why this sadness and anxiety felt so real and so overwhelming. And it was in that moment that I heard my answer clear as day:
“You have to give up control.”
And then the most vivid sense of peace took over. The kind of peace where the tears immediately stopped flowing and I felt my entire body relax. The kind of peace where you go from crying to smiling in an instant. A peace that surpasses all understanding. And then, something even crazier happened. The service had ended, and they were closing out the night. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and said “look, look what your friend’s doing!” So I looked over, and saw Sarah telling the leaders that she wanted to be baptized. So we all ran to the front and they announced that they had another baptism. Sarah shared her story about overcoming addiction and anxiety, and then stepped into the water. They invited me over to help baptize her, and it was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever participated in. God DID move, it just wasn’t when I planned for him to.
So back to the question of whether I’m worried if the rest of the money will come in or not, the answer is yes and no. Yes, the controlling part of me says it’s not possible and that I should worry and panic when the timeline isn’t working as I have “perfectly” planned it in my head. And no, my God who has continuously shown that it doesn’t matter how we feel, how worried we are, or how perfectly we think we have everything planned, has it all under control.
I am currently 27% funded for the World Race. I need to raise $3100 more to be able to launch with my squad in July, and $12,000 more to be fully funded. Will you consider going to the “Support Me” tab and donating? Both one-time and monthly donations will help me go to the nations to serve those in need. Thank you for reading!
-Casey
