Sometimes life changes quickly, and it changes unexpectedly.
My reality just a few days ago was that tomorrow I’d be on a plane headed to the Ivory Coast with 50 men and women to lead them for 5 months, and now, it is not.
When I look back at these past few weeks, I see a mixture of chaos and joy; adjustment and learning; newness and familiarity. There were things I got to step into and be a part of as I helped train these men and women just a few weeks ago that were exhilarating to my soul and so, so humbling. I got to love and experience love from them, and love from friends and family as I spent a very small amount of time at home. I felt the excitement of a new season, the joy of doing something that I love with people I’d quickly come to love, and the honor of being a part of and leading an amazing group of people on the same journey that changed my life. The team I was leading with are wise, bold, strong people who sharpened me, loved me and pushed me towards Jesus in a beautiful way.
At the same time, I serve a gentle and caring Father who knows what I need well before I’m able to articulate it. And as He began to nudge my heart towards reaching out to the people I was leading with for guidance, I had no idea what to expect.
I knew I needed something, but I didn’t know what it was.
Things in my story began to rise to the surface. Anxiety took a quick and surprising place in my soul. Pain was triggered and I began to feel tired, worn-out, and unsure. I was faced with some hard, honest questions about myself and my health. Questions that couldn’t be answered in three days.
The World Race changed my life. And I am sold to the idea that Jesus wants to continue changing lives through it. And I plan to keep saying “yes” to being a part of that. So much has been changed and healed in me through the Race, and I praise God for this often.
Even so, there’s a season of acceptance and restoration and release that I need to enter into.
I need to allow the Lord to do some things in my heart and my soul.
And for other reasons I don’t fully understand, I need to release K-Squad. I need to release Squad Leading. For these reasons, a decision was made:
I need to stay home.
Whether a short season or a long one, I can’t go to the field right now.
You may have the same flurry of questions that I have: Why didn’t this come up sooner than a few days before it was time to leave? Why did the Lord choose to do things this way? Why did I have to invest so much of my heart and then have to say goodbye? What’s next? Will I lead a squad at another time?
I wish I could answer these questions right now. I wish I could move past the raw emotion and pain of this season. But, I’ve got to be here for a while. And in time, these questions will be answered.
The only thing I know for sure right now, is that He’s a good Father.
And He’s sovereign.
And He loves me enough to bring me here and help me through this season.
As I begin sifting through those things, I’ll be writing and sharing. I’d love to have you as part of that process. As the Father leads, I’ll be posting about my next steps.
For now, I would appreciate your prayers as I grieve and release failed expectations and the people who will be moving forward without me; and as I navigate the unknown of what this next season will hold.
For those who gave financially, thank-you. Please know that your investment toward the Kingdom will continue to be a blessing. Adventures in Missions will allocate current donations in the best way possible.
Until next time,
Casey
