This past weekend something happened back home & my emotions erupted. I’m not going to go into depth on it out of respect for the other person. However, the situation weighed heavy on my heart & I’m was mad I couldn’t be home to walk through it. I was confused. I felt more guilt for being here. I was mad at God. (Yes, I can be mad at the Lord. Just as I rejoice & find comfort in Him during times of happiness & sadness, I can also be frustrated at Him).
Let me elaborate. If you would’ve asked me in late summer of 2018 if I’d be here in the Philippines right now I probably would’ve looked at you & said no, I’d be working & maybe going to school. The Lord obviously had other plans for me as He literally opened every door needed to get me here & closed every door that needed to be closed. It was just a matter of me saying “yes” & trusting He’d take care of the rest. Clearly, I said yes but was very hesitant on “the rest.” I had no idea where I was going to come up with the $5,900 I needed to fundraise plus spending money, I had no idea how I was going to get all the supplies I needed, & honestly, I was a little hesitant for my dad to take on my few responsibilities. Not that I didn’t believe he could do it because I know wholeheartedly he’d take care of them but I was hesitant because those aren’t his responsibilities they’re mine. I’m an adult, I can’t just throw my responsibilities to dad every time I want to live life ya know. But regardless of if we see eye to eye on something, there’s a lot we don’t, he always hops on board & supports me in every way he knows how.
Anyways, back to why I was a little frustrated & confused. I understand that trials are going to come up in life. I am not naïve to that. But I was struggling & honestly still struggling a little with how the Lord could provide everything I needed for this trip & then allow things at home to get tough that it begins takes a little toll on me here. Maybe this is a season of the Lord telling me “just trust me Casey. I got this.” I really have no idea. I do know though, that the Lord has given me a community here that I know I’m gonna miss when I get home. There are a few girls that have generously & so selflessly chose that they’re going to walk with me through these past few days. Without any hesitation.
Community living has been hard but also so rewarding. I live with 14 other girls & I room with 4 of them. We all share 2 bathrooms & are starting to drive each other a little nuts at times. We’ve definitely passed the “I need to be on my best behavior stage” & everyone’s personalities are really starting to come out. Everyone is at different stages of life, maturity wise & life experience, which I knew going into this trip. As challenging as it is in some moments it’s also cool because everyday I get the choice of whether or not I’m going to walk with my team through where ever they’re at in life. Some days I choose to & other days it’s a bit more challenging.
I just wanted to ask those of you at home to come along side us & pray for patience! Patience with each other, patience with miscommunication, patience with the Lord’s timing. I also want to ask for prayer in my walk with the Lord. Just continue to pray for those tangible moments, for Him to show me that He’s really got things taken care of, that way I can focus on Him & my relationship with Him instead of having unnecessary worries on my shoulders.
As far as ministry going, it’s good. Many of us go to the same schools every week so the relationships we are forming are becoming more genuine & intentional. The kids are opening up & loving wholeheartedly. Our days are long & hot but it’s worth every drop of sweat at the end of the day. Well, most days ;). We also have a ministry block, designated for cleaning, but we often find ourselves using it as rest or catch up on laundry & what not so pray that the Lord will reveal to us what He wants us to be doing during that block! My stomach & legs are covered in heat rash so pray that it goes away.
