I want to share a story with all of you. A story that has spanned several years, several doctors, lots of shame and lots of embarrassment. I want to share a story with you that started when I was in college; a story that has now connected two people in Africa.
Let’s start at the beginning.
**side note, this is very personal and I’m going to be fairly candid, just so you’re prepared!!**
A little over 10 years ago… ok, ok about 17 years ago I was in Bible college in Pensacola, Florida. I remember noticing that some things seemed “off” in my body. (This is nothing new as I’ve dealt with lots of different things in my life regarding my health, many of which I walk away from with no answers.) I came home from college and told my mom that I thought I should see a doctor. I had put on some weight, I wasn’t getting my cycle, and I was losing some hair. I felt fine but I knew something wasn’t right.
My mom did in fact make me an appointment with the doctor but it was less than helpful as he told me I was simply dealing with the “Freshman 15” and shouldn’t be so paranoid. If you’re unfamiliar, the “Freshman 15” is a phrase used for girls entering their first year of college who, generally speaking, tend to put on about 15 pounds. Well nice as he was about it all, it still didn’t explain the other problems which he seemed to dismiss as change in my life that would fix itself. Basically, he wanted me to get through my first year of school and then see how I felt. Well, first year came and went. Still no cycle, weight didn’t come off and my hair was still thinning.
As years progressed I saw a Gynecologist, an Endocrinologist, a Nurse Practitioner, a family practice MD, and consulted some in the holistic field. No one had answers. They tried medicines, CT scans, internal exams, nothing….no answers. Not only was I becoming upset over not having answers, I was becoming more embarrassed and ashamed of my thinning hair.
I remember taking my nephew (I only had one at the time) to a store and being asked if I was his grandma. I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I remember looks I got from others along the way. I remember feeling like people looked at me with pity like I was ill. It was a terrible feeling.
I decided to start doing work on my own toward making me look and feel better. I thought if I start taking better care of myself I will fix it. I started to work out, and eat great. I remember I started losing weight and feeling really good… still no cycle, still no change in my hair.
I transitioned to finding products for my hair. (While still taking care of my body.) I bought special sprays and shampoos and tried various hair styles to make my hair look fuller, but still no change.
Finally, because I was still dealing with so much embarrassment and shame I decided to find product to put in my hair to make it look like I had hair. I started with a Joan Rivers hair powder. (Basically, you put it on like you would eyeshadow, but on your scalp.) It created a shadow effect that made it look like I had hair! YES! I could go out in public and feel “normal”. I felt so much better. I still didn’t have any answers but at least people wouldn’t look at me like I was old and sick!
Fast forward to World Race preparation! I was really debating and talking with my sister-in-law. “How am I going to take all that powder with me?” I had found a new powder called Toppik and it seemed like a better choice for travel, however packing enough for a year…..? My sister-in-law very gently and very boldly said to me, “I think you just need to embrace who you are”, “let it be for this year.” I told her I wanted to at least take one bottle of it with me to use on special occasions perhaps but that I would try. I was not excited, AT ALL!
When month one rolled around I left the powder in my bag. I shared with the girls on my team that I was going to go without and that I appreciated them just letting me be me.
I made through almost all of month one with no powder when our ministry host pulled me aside. She said to me, “Viveca is scared to talk to you.” (This is a girl who works with our ministry host.) “She asked me if I would talk to you. She has been having a terrible time with her hair falling out. She said she noticed you may be having the same issue. She wondered if you had any tips, or thoughts, or suggestions for her. She was just afraid to ask you. She didn’t want you to be upset that she pointed it out or drew attention to it.” I almost cried right there. I was most definitely not upset at all and I felt an instant moment of awe in the Lord! Over our last couple of days there I was able to talk with the young lady, share my story and give her some suggestions to help her along her journey. It was seriously a huge highlight of my trip. I knew that the Lord had orchestrated that. Had I not embraced that month, had I been putting my powder in, I never would have had that opportunity. I was so grateful that the Lord used my story, my experience, my weakness.
Now, here we are at month one debrief. I’ve had the opportunity to not only share with my team but the Lord prompted me to step out in vulnerability to share with the entire squad. It was huge for me to be able to not only share with them, but to continue to go without my powder and let everyone see me in a way they had not, since meeting at training camp.
So, now here I am taking a new leap in sharing. Laying myself bare before all you with my story and my pictures. There will be many of you who read this that have only ever seen me with my powder in, many of you that I’ve never shared this story with. I don’t share it for pity or apathy. I share it because God is using my vulnerability. God is using my story. And P.S. I have new hair growth this month that I’ve not had in 17 years!!
Sharing the hard stuff is never easy, but : we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
