Hi Guys!!
So this post is going to be a little more serious then my usual post. As some of you know, I got back from my 11 day training camp in Gainesville Georgia a few weeks ago and one of the many many things we learned was that the time between training camp and launching for The Race is when the enemy attacks us the most and the hardest.
He knows we are most vulnerable, and most attuned to doubt and fear because we leave such a wonderful, atmosphere at training camp that is consistently focused on God and then we come back to our everyday life full of routine and busyness where it’s easy to put prayer and scripture on the back burner. The enemy tries to find anyway he can to entice that doubt in our minds and get us to turn from our assurance of The Father’s calling in us.
Man has that hit home for me these last few weeks.
The first few days back from training camp, I had a few small faith testing experiences. Nothing major, just everyday things that can be frustrating but if allowed can really churn up anger, confusion, and doubt and chip away at anointment. Well, none of that compared to the heartbreaking, earth shattering, news I received at 1 am on the morning of June 20th.
I lost one of my favorite people on this earth. He was so funny, kind, intelligent, loving, charismatic, handsome, and so much more than any word could ever describe. I’ve struggled accepting this world in which he isn’t in anymore. I’ve experienced about every emotion you can think and a day hasn’t passed that I haven’t thought of him or his family.
I thought the enemy had won because he got the best of me. All I could think was how huge the enemy was. How much bigger his army was than mine. He got me to step back from my faith for the smallest of moments to depend on myself more than depending on God. In the midst of the most tragic experiences of my life, my guard was down and I let the enemy in. I was consumed with agony which resulted in avoiding work, people, fundraising, and prayer to give into anger and temptation.
Despite my weakness, God spoke to me through all of this. He spoke words of love and encouragement over me until I found peace and clarity. Deuteronomy 20:1 was the first piece of scripture that laid heavy on my heart which says When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you.
I never believed God brought this darkness upon me, my family, or Clark. God was with us through it all and still is! Through our grief, despair, and faithlessness, He was their waiting as He always does with outstretched arms. When we mourned and grieved, so did God. He never planned or wished any of this on Clark or my family. This event was proof that the enemy is evident and strong but our God is more evident and stronger.
I don’t wish to publicize my cousins death, but I find it important to share that in the midst of tragedy came life. During the funeral, and thereafter, people were prayed over, healed, and brought to Christ. It is and will always be a heartbreaking moment in our lives, but it doesn’t define Clark, it doesn’t define us, and it doesn’t define our God. I will remember Clark as the person I described; A fun, joyful, loving guy with the biggest smile. I find peace knowing that he is in Heaven now with The Father, probably riding motorcycles and playing guitar. I look forward to the day we all reunite with him.
Our wounds are still fresh and our grief is not over so I ask that you please continue to lift our family up in prayer for healing and peace.
