One of our favorite pastimes this month is laying on the roof of our house as the sun is setting. One evening my teammate Julia was sitting on the roof looking out at the mountains and she started thinking of what it would look like to actually get to that mountain.
To walk to the mountain ahead it would take days, maybe even months and there would be rivers you would have to cross and snakes you would encounter and probably holes that you would fall in as well. So many times we want that mountain, we want Jesus yet we forget what that actually requires of us. When we seek Jesus (the mountain) we quickly forget the hard when the good comes.
My teammates and I went to a cave about 10 minutes from our house yesterday and it was beautiful and it was one of the hardest things I have done in the last 8 months. (The large opening on the right is the overlook inside the cave. That opening on the left is what we squeezed through to get inside.)
It was one of those hard days where you have to climb up a rock wall with a rope tied to a tree as the rocks you are holding are burning your hands because they are so hot. And the dirt slips under your feet so your never feel like you are on solid ground.
My teammates are a bit taller than I am so the large gaps in between rocks felt twice as high for me to climb up. At one point I was standing on just dirt and loose rocks and my feet kept slipping and my hands were burning and I looked at my teammate Julia and said “I’m trying really hard to not freak out right now, but I am starting to panic.” She tried to calm me down as best she could and get me water. I was shaking and I was getting dizzy from the heat, but I kept moving upward.
When we finally made it to the top of the mountain to the cave opening I had calmed down a bit. Then we had to squeeze into the opening which I normally would have been fine, but the scare of climbing the mountain was still fresh in my mind. My teammate Gabe walked in first and I followed. At one point as you walk in there is a place that is so small it feels like you will get stuck and for a minute it felt like I couldn’t breathe through the rocks pushing on me.
When we got inside I was okay after a minute.
We worshipped in the cave and I prayed for the Lord to give me his strength to get out of the cave when we were done.
We finished worship and most of my team went exploring back into the darker parts of the cave. My teammate Gabe and I decided to head back down the mountain. So all that steep ish I just climbed up I was going to have to do again, but this time backwards. Gabe went down first and she then guided my every foot step because I was holding the rocks and putting my foot behind me and trying to get a hold of something firm underfoot.
At one point you have to straddle a rock and swing yourself over it while hanging off the side of the cliff. As I was trying not to fall and swing, for a moment I felt like nothing was holding me and at any second I could fall and no one could catch me. It scared me, but I also knew that I was not alone. The Lord was holding me to that rock.
Some days as we walking to the mountain it feels like we are alone, but we are never alone. As I think about what it looks like to walk to the mountain with others I imagine me walking with Jesus at my right and Julia or Gabe holding my left hand. There are some days we have friends holding our hands and there are some days we have friends walking 5 steps behind us because the path we are taking is not for them to take. It is for us to walk alone with Jesus.
Yesterday was exhausting emotionally and physically.
Yet the Lord knows our limits
“The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”
Psalm 23:1-4
Yesterday my darkest valley was a cave.
The Lord knows what we can handle. Some days walking to the mountain we get the peaceful stream and the meadows because we have a God that knows us well. He knows when we have had enough and when we need rest.
I am so thankful for a God that gets me.
The Lord is guiding me. I have all I need when I listen to his voice.
My prayer this month has been it is well with my soul. Amidst the craziness of life, teaching a 4 year old, loving teammates, talking with our host, and talking with family back home, my prayer is that I have peace in my soul. A peace that only comes from my Father. No matter if I am walking through a season of dark caves or peaceful streams I pray that my soul is at peace and I feel that all is well.
I have been listening to this song on repeat all month… Check it out!
We’re doing the thing!
Much love, Carson
