Over the past few weeks I have experienced a lot of fear and anxiety about all the changes that are about to happen in my life. I have felt sad about moving away from Cookeville, TN and I have also felt sad realizing that in the next few months I will be seeing people for the last time until I come back in 11 months. I am a home-body and I find comfort in being around people that know me well so it makes me a bit nervous and excited that I am about to have a huge life experience with people that I don’t know very well and they don’t know me very well either.
With all that being said, here is what my life has looked like the the past several months in Cookeville, TN:
When I first moved to Cookeville I had no job and no plan. I had a place to live and Addison and Logan and that was it. Addison and Logan moved here to be the Director and Assistant Director at the Wesley Foundation at Tennessee Tech. Moving to Cookeville was a difficult transition because I had no money and honestly I had nothing to do so I spent way too much time by myself. One thing I learned about myself in those first few months is this: I find value in myself based on work and I was not working so I had no purpose in Cookeville. Therefore, I found no value in myself. I felt like I was a burden to those around me (Addison, Logan, and eventually Zach). I was grumpy and closed off because I didn’t see value in myself and I didn’t think others would either. I was not always pleasant to be around and Addison and Logan know that better than anyone, but thankfully they showed me grace and choose to love me even in those times that I was unlovable.
(The Cinder Shack aka mine and Logan’s house)
When I moved to Cookeville back in September I had only spent time with Logan face to face 3 times and we had talked on the phone maybe 4 times. So we knew very little about each other when we moved in together. However, for those of you that know Logan it is not hard to fall in love with her pretty quickly. One of my favorite things about Cookeville has been getting to know Logan. She is beautiful. She modeled grace for me and for the first time in my life I have been able to see what grace truly looks like (other than Jesus of course). Logan tells the truth in grace and that is not always easy to do or to receive, but I know she always has my best interest at heart. When I was grumpy and struggling with my value she was always patient with me and there to listen and cry sometimes. When I was a sophomore in college I began specifically praying for my siblings and their spouses. I have been praying for Logan for years and I never even knew her name. The Lord could not have picked a better sister to join our family and for that I am so very grateful. Logan, thank you for showing me grace among other things.
Along with getting to know my future sister-in-law better I have also surprisingly gotten to know my brother better. Over the past few months Addison has taught me how to stand up for myself and how to love and listen even if it may not be comfortable. Thank you for modeling love and showing me what tough love looks like. I didn’t realize how much I needed to learn about tough love and hard conversations until recently. We had a few hard and honest conversations in the past few months and in that we have become closer and more open with each other. Addison, thank you for loving me even as you got to know me better and being an example for me to look to.
From October to December our friend Zach lived in Cookeville and it was so good. Zach taught me about gratitude and he showed me grace and loved me through my transition to Cookeville. Every Thursday Zach and I would go to dinner and it was so refreshing to have that time to get to know each other and talk about our lives. Zach helped me to see the little, beautiful things to be grateful for daily. Zach, thank you for teaching me about gratitude and loving me in that.
I am so thankful for our year together and our TJ Maxx trips, our El Tap dinners, our movie/t.v. nights, our cleaning days, our family dinners, our days spent in the backyard, and our time at countless Wesley events.
(The Crew and yes we are wearing robes.)
The first semester in Cookeville I didn’t get very involved in Wesley. I was physically present, but I kept myself at a distance because I kept thinking I am not a student and this is not my place, also I was struggling with the whole self- value/worth thing. However, after Christmas I came back to Cookeville and the Lord started changing me. I began to fully accept where I was in this stage of life and I realized that I needed people, these people. I realized that I needed a place to spend time with and grow with other people. At Wesley I was challenged, I was uncomfortable at times, but most importantly I was loved, and I got the chance to love these people too for a little while. Through these people Jesus showed me what community looks like and how important it is to have a group to love and hold you accountable. The students at Wesley welcomed me and I found a community that loved me and let’s be real put up with me most of the time. For that I am so very thankful. Everyone, thank you for your love, patience, and encouragement. Ohhkay, bye!
(Rachel, Claire, & Michael)
(Jessi, Logan, & Ryn)
(My little princesses Claire and Meredith)
(Alex & Jeffery)
(My sweet freshmen girls)
When I came back from Christmas break I started babysitting 4 sweet boys full time. Finn (4), Mack (3), and Till & Toph (6mo) taught me so much about patience, flexibility, and that life is messy and it’s supposed to be. These sweet boys have also taught me about truly caring for others. They have brought me so much joy in the past few months. We went on walks, we jumped on the trampoline, we cried (all of us), we read books, we played hard, we laughed, we snuggled ALOT, and we loved even more. They gave me a purpose and I finally felt like I had a reason to be in Cookeville. I have no doubt now that the Lord’s timing was just right because I had to figure out and be aware of how I value myself and give myself worth. Once I figured that out I realized that the job I have or what I do does not give me value, Jesus in me gives me value and makes me worthy. Robert & Ashley, thank you for letting me love your boys and for making me feel like a part of your family for a few short months. Your family means more to me than you know.
The Mitchell family is another family that I have loved getting to know in Cookeville. It’s so true that friends come in all ages. I am so thankful for these two friends in Cookeville. Sarah Adelaide, thank you for the selfies, games, sweet hugs, cuddles, and love. Michelle, thank you for being a listening ear, for giving encouraging words of wisdom, and for being one of my first friends in Cookeville. Some of my favorite days were those that I came over for a 10 minute visit that turned into a 3 hour visit and Sarah would curl up in my lap or make me something and we could have heart to hearts and get to know each other better. I am so grateful for you both; for your love and acceptance.
(Sarah Adelaide)
(Michelle)
This year I have also gotten to love on some pretty cute babies. It is a beautiful thing to watch some of your dear friends that you think of as older brothers and sisters become parents. Mary & Dave, Nate & Laura thank you for allowing me the privilege to take care of and love on Sanders and Iris. They are beautiful and you are rocking it at this whole parenting thing!
(Sanders Hobart Corson)
(Iris Elizabeth Paulk)
This year I have also had the beautiful opportunity to spend time with my wonderful friend Hamp. Cookeville may not be Nashville, but it is sure close enough to spend weekend upon weekend there. Hamp, thank you for spending weekends in Cookeville and for letting me crash on your couch in Nashville. Thank you for being a familiar face and someone I could vent to and talk through things with. I am so thankful for our car rides, dinner dates, runs/walks, and “Unbreakable” viewings.
All my life I have struggled with my weight and in the past two years I have tried to become healthier. While in Cookeville I started running for the first time in my life. My goal was to run a half marathon and I surprised myself and I actually ran one. It still blows my mind that I ran 13.1 miles. A week after my half marathon I ran a 10k as well. I have felt better physically in the past few months than I have in my whole life. When I began training for my half I started eating better too and I could see so many changes physically, mentally, and emotionally. It was crazy how running became such a stress reliever for me and I actually looked forward to that time throughout the day. Initially I decided to sign up for a half marathon because I knew on the World Race I would experience physical challenges and I wanted to push myself and challenge myself before I left. Of course I could not have run either one of those races without my cheerleaders and biggest supporters (my sisters obvi). Kennedy & Taylor, thank you for pulling me and pushing me and making me run even when I felt like I was dying. Thank you for telling me I could do something I never thought possible and helping me actually follow through with it. I mean you can anything for 10 seconds at a time.
I didn’t expect to become so invested in the beautiful people here in the middle of nowhere in Tennessee. I am sad to be leaving Cookeville, but I am so glad for this year of challenges, growth, and so much joy. Cookeville, thank you for the sleepless nights, runs, early mornings, friends, new family, and a place to call home for 10 months.
So with that…. It’s off to Training Camp July 6-16 and then launch for the World Race September 6th! Wahoo!!
Oh shoot….This is really happening…
This has been my prayer for the semester and this is my prayer as I leave Cookeville and I look forward to what is to this next year of life:
Fruits of the spirit prayer
We pray, God, that your Holy Spirit would come alive in us. Help us to see the gifts and the fruits of Your Spirit among us.
We ask for love; to be relentless in pursuing and caring for others.
We ask for joy that brings hope in brokenness and stress.
We ask for peace that brings harmony to all of our relationships, and a trusting spirit amidst our troubles.
We ask for patience; to be graceful and optimistic.
We ask for kindness that unites us with others, especially when we are in bad moods.
We ask for Your goodness; to help us to become people of integrity, honesty, and compassion.
We ask for faithfulness; to become more trustworthy and responsible.
We ask for gentleness; to be calm and caring, reminding others of grace instead of condemnation.
We ask for self-control; to be more disciplined, to know when to act, and when to be still.
Amen.
Much love, Carson
