Throughout my time in Africa I expected the Lord to break my heart for the people and the poverty here. The Lord has broken my heart in the last 3 months, but in an unexpected way. In Rwanda He broke my heart for the Genocide… There were days that I couldn’t stop thinking and praying about it and there are still images I can’t get out of my head. In Kenya the Lord has been breaking my heart for Syria. To me, breaking my heart means the Lord is allowing me to feel what He feels.
One day last week I read an article about what is happening in Syria and the surrounding areas taking refugees. The rest of that day I wrestled with the Lord… asking Him why and telling Him I didn’t understand. That day ended with me crying over Syria, Greece, and the refugees fleeing. I cried and I laid my pain and hurt at the feet of Jesus. My teammate Amanda found me on the porch that night and she prayed over me and she took my hurt to Jesus with me and laid it at His feet.
A few days later after still feeling deeply hurt for our world I called one of my World Race coaches. She told me that my heart breaks for what the Lord’s heart breaks for so me crying is me connecting with the Holy Spirit and feeling what He feels. I am grieving for what the Lord is grieving.
All my life I have been a slave to fear. So when something happens in our world my first reaction is fear, but not this time… my first reaction was deep hurt. Fear does not connect me with the Lord that pushes me further from Him. In response to the chaos in our world I started thinking about the reactions and responses that connect us to the Lord… pain, hurt, love, anger, and grace to name a few. And the reactions and responses that disconnect us from the Lord… fear, revenge, ignoring or dismissing our brothers and sisters around the world.
As I thought about feeling what the Lord feels I went to the story in the Bible where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. The shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35: “Jesus wept” but it is also one of the most powerful verses because it shows so much of Jesus’ character and how deeply He feels for each of us.
“When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. Where have you put him? he asked them. They told him, “Lord come and see.” Then Jesus wept.” John 11:33-35
Jesus wept after speaking with Lazarus’ grieving sisters, Martha and Mary, and seeing all the mourners. Jesus had come to Bethany to raise Lazarus from the dead. He knew that in a few short minutes all this weeping would turn to joy, and then laughter, and then worship. So you would think that Jesus would be a confident, joyful calm in that storm of sorrow. But He was “greatly troubled” and He wept.
So why was Jesus weeping? One reason is the deep compassion that Jesus felt for those who were suffering. It is true that Jesus let Lazarus die. He delayed coming, and he did not heal him from a distance. His reasons were good and merciful. But this did not mean Jesus took the suffering it caused lightly.
“For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.” Lamentations 3:33
Even though Jesus always chooses what will ultimately bring his Father the most glory and sometimes, as in Lazarus’ case, it requires pain and grief—He does not take delight in the pain and grief itself. Jesus is sympathetic. As we see Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus we get a glimpse of how the Father feels over the pain and grief his children experience.
This is what I know, our Creator loves us so deeply and He feels what we feel and sometimes He invites us to feel what He feels. It’s a beautiful, messy invitation and it doesn’t feel good, but it allows you to connect to the Lord is such deep way that it is worth it because you get to experience the Lord’s compassion. Grieving for what hurts God is being a good friend to Him.
We’re doing the thing!
Much love, Carson
