Only about 9 weeks of ministry left. 9 weeks to feed soup to 160 mouths everyday. 9 weeks left to lifeguard little girls and boys in the pool from 3-5 everyday. 9 weeks left to take 20 cent rides to mcdonalds at any hour of the day. 9 weeks left to measure pregnant bellies and measure heart rates. 9 weeks left to hug on the orphans. 9 weeks left to sleep 2 inches from katie every night. 9 weeks left to stay up until ungodly times in the morning with lillabea because we don’t have watches or our phones on us to check the time. 9 more weeks of the best community I’ve ever experienced. 9 more weeks to take it all in.
I want to take it all in here while I can. I want to fight for everything that I can here, where temptation is less abundant and I have room to grow, room to fail, room to succeed. Where I have people encouraging me, there to pick me up when I fall, guide me when I feel blind, cheer me on, to celebrate with. Where I have people fighting for me. But i want to fight for these things for myself. Unfortunately I will not have the 7 other people I’ve had by my side for all this time with my when I get home.
As I write this I am reminded of a quote from the book Cold Tangerines that I read all the way back in September. “I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting.” I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to up the ante on seizing the day. i want to find the gold of the day, because every day has it to offer. the tiny moments of courage and hope and love and forgiveness and light are things I want to give away but find enough to fill my backpack up with to extend to those at home. The big moments are usually in the normalcy of life, and I want to find them, live them, celebrate them. I don’t even really want to do more, because believe me when I say that we do a whole lot here. But I want to be more.
So I want to fight for today. For the next 9 weeks. For life. Fight for growth and light and love and joy and justice. I want to fight to make this day count, to make my life count, to make this breath count. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to simply be more today than I was yesterday. Whatever it takes, I want to be more in the Lord tonight than ever before.
