I’m going to be real honest. I am tired of planting seeds. It feels like my whole Race has just been planting seeds, telling people about Jesus, but them not accepting; doing children’s ministry, but them being too young to grasp the concept; living with a mourning family who doesn’t even really need Jesus because they already so intimately know him; being in places where hearts are too hardened to see the glory of God. It is exhausting planting seeds and not seeing it come to fruition right tin front of my eyes. I love the rest of my squad and glory be to God who is healing people and bringing more prodigal sons home in great numbers, but it is exhausting to see and hear that all the time when that’s not the case for my ministry experience so far.
My biggest question for God is why? I know that there is a reason we are planting seeds, that we are not coming to see the fruit of it all, sowing, but why? I don’t think that God does anything just to mess with our heads or to trick us or to make us feel let down and disappointed, so why does our Father’s will still have me feeling like this?
It is still a question I am wrestling with. Maybe the answer is so that it doesn’t feed my pride. Maybe it’s because that is not the most important thing that needs to be done in the communities we’re in right now. Maybe it’s to humble me. Maybe it is to realize that the Lord’s timing is far beyond my own. Maybe it’s to give up control over the will for my life and what I want. Maybe it’s to get my motives straight. Maybe the answer is for me to not know. Maybe it’s all of that.
“Do not lose heart”. This is something I’m being reminded of a lot lately. In 2 Corinthians 4 (Seriously, if “Kiwi” by Harry Styles isn’t playing in my head, then 2 Corinthians 4 is probably being recited. It’s something that I am thinking a lot about lately (hence, a whole entire blog on it), and it seems to relate back to everything), Paul says, “Do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. So I tell you to focus on things that are unseen, not on those that are seen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is forever.” Not losing heart and staying expectant is hard, especially when there aren’t flowers or fruits springing up all around me. The well is starting to feel dry.
But I think farmers still take pride in looking at the seeds that they plant, after they’ve done everything that they can, after putting all the seeds they have in the ground. They don’t look at what they have done and think it was for nothing, I think they look at their fields and are happy, expectantly waiting for the fruit that is to come. In its own timing. The farmer also knows that the plants can’t just sprout when you tell them to sprout, but God-willing, they will and we have done all that we can do after planting and watering.
Today while evangelizing, Kyla, Paige and I were talking to this one man for over and hour about Jesus, telling him about death and resurrection and freedom and true satisfaction. He said he knew who Jesus was but didn’t want to accept him yet. It was so frustrating. But about halfway through, one of our classmates from life class saw us and came over and started talking flipped to Ecclesiastes in my Bible. I had just listened to a sermon on Ecclesiastes 1 & 2 and really enjoyed it so I started talking and he said he doesn’t like Ecclesiastes, except chapter 3. He pointed to verse 3 and said that’s what we’re doing right now, planting seeds. Much needed comfort from an accidental meeting outside the Pick-n-Pay express.
“There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That’s it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s gift.
I’ve also concluded that whatever God does, that’s the way it’s going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God’s done it and that’s it. That’s so we’ll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.
Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That’s how it always is with God.” Ecclesiastes 3: 1-15 (MSG)
I’m honestly thankful that the Lord isn’t constrained to my time limits, that he does everything in its right and opportune time. I was so concerned with sowing instead of reaping that I started to miss out on the simple joy that the gift of life is. I cannot change what is to come and I can’t change what was. But why would I worry about that when I follow a good and perfect God? I am done asking questions, and instead craving to worship in simple fear.
Here’s to focusing on the unseen; to focusing on what is eternal; to seizing the day; to appreciation and gratitude; to simplicity; to joy; to holy fear; to planting seeds.
