If you’re up to date with my Instagram lately, you can see from my posts that I spend most of my time with little humans form the ages of 1-16 and from my story that I spend everyday at an orphanage. 43 children who call the same place home because of different, heartbreaking circumstances that brought them there. But honestly by the grace of God.
At first, I honestly did not really like going to the children’s home. It was hard for me to relate with the people there and the caregivers and I just felt like I was uninvitedly intruding in peoples’ homes. It was just kind of awkward.
But after PVT, when my momma visited, I felt this strange yearning in my heart to spend my time at the orphanage, so Lucie and I decided to devote all of our ministry time for the 2 months left to the children’s home: helping caregivers with whatever they needed, feeding and playing with the babies, forming relationships with everyone and so much more.
It doesn’t feel weird anymore. It feels comfortable— kinda homey, to be honest.
We aren’t allowed to tell the kids we love them for pretty obvious psychological reasons, but I truly love every single kid there, no matter the whininess or the lack of English or how many times they hit me or put bugs on me.
During worship the other night, we were worshipping to “Death Was Arrested” (classic), and one part says,
“Ash was redeemed only beauty remains
My orphan heart was given a name
My mourning grew quiet my feet rose to dance
When death was arrested and my life began”
I had this gross stigma in my head at the beginning of the 3 months that I just wouldn’t be able to relate with the kids and we wouldn’t anything to talk about or do together, but was i wrong. The part that says “my orphan heart was given a name” makes me feel like we aren’t so very different. Not trying to degrade these children’s stories or their real life struggles, no do I know anything personally of what it is like to be an orphan, but I know what it is like to have felt like nothing and be made into something. Jesus really did give this orphan heart a name, and my prayer is that these literal parent-less children know that they really do have a name thanks to Him. And that is something worth living for, something worth celebrating.
Some nights I lie in bed thinking about how I have to leave these kids, some that I am genuinely friends with now, and all I want to do is cry and create a machine that can shrink them to fit in my pack. But I’m thankful for Kid International Ministry for building this orphanage where children can find refuge and a home that they deserve. Im thankful for caregivers like Papa Arven who genuinely love the kids and has their best interest in mind 110% of the time. (Papa Arven never has night duty, but he wakes up in the middle of the night to hang out with the caregivers who do have night duty to get to know them because he doesn’t see them during the day. WHAT A GUY)
i savor every moment I spend with these friends of mine and I think I’m going to carry a piece of all 43 of them in my heart everywhere I go. I’m thankful God aligned our stars and crossed our paths. These kids make me a better person in every aspect. the bring me the most joy and laughs and wonder and enjoyment. They each show me a piece of who God is everyday. I truly don’t know how i’ll ever leave them. they’re my least favorite part about thinking how i’ll be home in a month, but they keep me present. my heart is aching now thinking about leaving those sweet souls!!!!
But we’ve got big plans for them:
- Girls day Wednesday to see the Avengers movie!!!!
- Boys pool party on Tuesday. The boys are the most fun. There are 11 older boys who are crazy, especially in the pool and so excited for when they get to hear that they get to go for 4 hours next week
- Karaoke on Friday!!!!!!! I’m so excited. And a karaoke machine for 24 hours is only $14. What a steal.
If anyone wants to accompany me here again next year, please be my guest because I can’t live with myself if I don come back in the near-ish future.
