Dear Dominican Republic and month 1,
You were weird. For the first two weeks I couldn’t really put my emotions into words, all I knew that I felt was weird. Settling in was not comfortable, and this uncomfortableness yielded home sickness; I just wanted to be home with my friends and family, people who knew me without having to say anything, and already love me. I started to get frustrated as I felt like I had been here for weeks upon weeks and it had only been four days. It feeling like such a long time, I felt like people should already know and love me and that we should all click automatically. But, contrary to what one may think, I did not open up and let people enter into my deepest thoughts and caverns of my heart and soul, having everything fall perfect into place in five days. DR, you’ve taught me patience. You have taught me to be ok with where I am now. You’ve constantly shown me that everything is a process.
Through this discomfort and frustration, I grew in community way more than I thought that I would during all squad month. I became close with people that putting into words almost seems offensive to restrain them to that. Real, raw people in real, raw community striving after Christ and wanting to take my hand along with them. This community is nothing like I have experienced before and it is extremely refreshing. Refreshing that people in this world are like these and that Jesus is the center of these relationships. I grew in giving others grace and having accountability and being vulnerable and doing life with believers, who cheer me on to dig deeper and deeper into Christ’s love.
You showed me that who God made me to be is the best self I can ever be. I started shaking my shame off, stripping myself of the old rags of my old self and putting on the new clothes— of compassion, holiness, love— that Christ laid out for me. It’s a constant process of everyday giving up my shame and my old clothes and choosing what God wants for me. I’m still learning. But I’m being taught to fully embrace the “child of God” name tag and all off the benefits that come with it.
I also learned a lot about abiding. I learned that I had to make a conscious effort in spending time with the Lord in order to grow closer to Him and to produce the fruits of the spirit. I cold actually notice a difference in the days where I did not spend time with the Lord and when I did and how I acted throughout the day. I learned a lot about discipline and I learned a lot about how God delights in spending time with me. It’s super cool and crazy to think that the Creator of the Universe actually wants to spend time with me.
But you also taught me a lot about some harsh things of this earth, mainly sex trafficking and prostitution. I learned about how the men here treat the women, how men will travel here to pay to have sex with women and it is completely acceptable. In fact, it’s not just accepted, it’s encouraged— for economy and popularity. You taught me that the slave trade is not dead. Women get shipped from the DR to America or Western Europe as sex slaves, complying to the needs of gross men who objectify women. I saw this face to face, where a man, from America, actually, was taking a young girl to dinner, planning to have sexual relations later, blatantly talking about it in this public facility. It was awful and slightly traumatizing for everyone on my team. I saw this not only in the pizza place, but also on the beach, where white men would be surrounded by Dominican or Haitian girls, gambling or eating or drinking. It’s nauseating and makes me feel like I have a much greater purpose on this life as a disciple of Jesus. I also realized how blessed women in America are, that we don’t have to go through things like this to live a good life and make a good living. Many of these women saw it as a necessity for living, but in America we have opportunities abundant. I also feel super blessed to be on an all girls team where we can freely talk about things like this and relate to each other on topics like this being girls. My heart is being fastened to a position of empathy for woman abroad and international equality of genders.
So, DR and month 1, you were interesting. You taught me a great deal of things, all things that I needed to in order to grow personally and in my relationship with Christ. You were weird, super great at times and borderline bad at others, but I wouldn’t trade you for anything. Goodbye waterfall showers, Lajas, the Dominguez family, jungle views and Elva’s cooking. Thanks for everything!!!!!!
Besos,
Carsen
