If you clicked this you’re either just bored or interested in the title “My Open Letter To Him”. This is not your ordinary letter. And my “Him” is not some boy. My “Him” is God. This is a confession. This is my heart opened. My emotions and thoughts exposed. And I am inviting you in. So please no hurtful remarks. If you are still interested, I would love to share this with you.
GOD
I want to start by saying “sorry”. Sorry for all that I have done. Sorry for being stubborn and believing that I could do it all by myself. I am sorry for believing that I could conquer the world on my own, without Your help… I was wrong. We all have a space in our heart that is meant for You. And I didn’t realize that You needed to occupy that space. Times got hard and I distanced myself from You. The faint relationship that we had no longer existed. I hated You for the bad things that were happening. Instead of filling the void with You, I filled it with relationships. Boys that didn’t respect me. Boys that didn’t care about my problems. Boys that were immature and didn’t have You at the center of their lives. Ultimately they left, cheated, told secrets, told rumors and I hated You more. I didn’t understand. Why would You do this? I’m Your daughter. Why would You allow this to happen? I then filled it in with girls who I thought were friends. I thought things would be better. But it was worse! Again, they left, they told secrets, they told rumors. But with girls, it spreads like wildfire! And finally, after a heartbreak, I filled it with alcohol. After one summer of concerts and drinking, I felt like crap. I was at the bottom of a self-dug hole. I was defeated. I thought “why are You doing this to me?” but the question I should have been asking was “why am I doing this to myself?” I didn’t trust You. And I’m sorry that I didn’t trust You. I didn’t understand that You are the one person I can confide. I thought things were hard, but You made them harder to show me that faith is what I need. That I need You at the center of my life. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize this sooner. You didn’t force me to love You. And You didn’t show me the door. Instead, You showed me people. People who love You and cherish You every day. Families that took me to Church, children that taught me their faith, and a community that is so accepting. Without force, You showed me a life that I wanted to live. The life of a daughter that You would be proud to call Your own.
On that note, I want to say “thank you”. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for showing me unconditional love. For loving me when I blatantly chose to ignore You. I was stubborn, I was wrong, and You stayed. You stayed and refused to give up on me. And for that I thank you. Within this past year, my life has been turned upside down (I guess right side up) with You in it. You give my life meaning. You give my life purpose. You put people in my life that make me see the bright side of everything. So I thank you for them, too. I am not who I once was and I don’t plan on going back. People may say I’ve changed, and that may be. But maybe I just found myself and who I am meant to be. I am a better person because of You. A happier person. And I owe it all to having You at the center of everything. Thank you for always being there. You are here every moment of every day. I talk to You all of the time now. Before bed, when I wake up, on my way to school, on my way home from friends/practice, every where. Just last month I was driving home thanking you for all that you have provided and for all that You have done for me. Then, while thanking you for World Race and for my team and I started crying. I was crying because I could feel You there with me. I was so overwhelmed. You are changing my life so much and I am so thankful for this opportunity to spread Your word and to share my story with the people of Thailand, Guatemala, and Malawi.
And with that, I want to say I am “proud”. Proud to know You. Proud to call You my Savior. And proud to be able to serve You with my World Race team. You have put together such an amazing group of individuals with such amazing and heartfelt stories. You are speaking to us in ways we could only have imagined. We have all grown so close within these past months and I cannot wait to see how You work through us on our Gap Year to Thailand, Guatemala, and Malawi. I am proud that You guide us, that You reign forever, and that we live for You. This mission trip, this opportunity, will break us down, but You will put us back together. You are the reason for all that we do. And on that, I am proud to live for you.
I am ready. I am listening. Lead me.
