I have writer’s block this month.
Seriously. That’s why I haven’t written a blog yet and we only have 10 days left in Nicaragua. I’m not quite living up to my goal of 8 blogs per month.
I could write about Breaking Chains, our ministry for the month- they have several locations throughout Latin America and their main goal is to free women from sex trafficking, prostitution, and sexually abusive situations, and we’re at the headquarters helping with child care, cooking, and activities for the live-ins and day program. I could write about how blessed we are to have beds this month, 2 bathrooms between the 7 of us, a pool, an incredible view, a nice cool breeze most of the time, a washing machine, and a bunch of couches to plop down on during the day. I could also probably write heart wrenching blogs about the girls who live here with us- the sisters who were rescued out of a brothel at 15 and 11 years old, the girl who was sold by her mother to a man at the age of 11 and is now 8 months pregnant at 13 years old, or the girl who was sold to an American pedophile at 11 by her cousin. I could also tell you how special these girls have become to me- they are my sweet, annoying, precious little sisters.
Laundry time!
I could write about the night that we went to deliver burritos to women on the streets- women who varied in age from 10 years to 30. I could write about the party we had the next day where we got to see those same women be kids again as they simply celebrated another girl’s birthday, ate fried chicken and cake, and hopped in the pool to play some water polo.
Or I could write about the 3-month day program put on here for women trying to get out of prostitution or abuse situations, experience healing, and to move on with their lives, have jobs, and to provide for their children and prevent the same thing from happening to them. I could write about the family rescued by CPS that just came to live here- a 22 year old mother and her three children, ages 6, 4, and 1, who have blossomed under a roof of protection and love after being used and abused for so long.
Women in the Day Program during their afternoon activity/game time
If I really wanted to be honest and vulnerable, I would tell you about how frustrated I’ve been with the Lord this month. I would tell you that there have been moments where I just wanted to go home and be done with this whole World Race thing. I’d tell you that as much as I love being here and loving on these girls, I feel pretty useless. I’d tell you that I feel like I’m doing something wrong, or like I’m somehow missing the obvious plank in my eye. It’s weird to keep going from these mountaintop experiences with the Lord to a quiet, unemotional, uneventful, un-feeling kind of month.
My team and I took a spontaneous trip to San Juan del Sur, a touristy beach spot 3 hours away (and about 30 kilometers from Costa Rica!!). We stayed at this house with a pool and a view of the Pacific, and I just sat there for most of the day. There was a rocking chair and I just sat in it, journaled, drank a bunch of coffee, and read most of Genesis (which is fascinating when you take the time to read it. Seriously- take a day off, start with Abram and go to the end of Genesis. So great.). Anyways, while I was journaling, the Lord told me this:
“Do you hear the waves? They ebb and flow in sync with the moon’s patterns. There’s so much in that system- that relationship- than you could ever understand. But I, your Creator, the LORD GOD ON HIGH, understand it perfectly. Why do you doubt the goodness of your future? Look at where I’ve brought you. Why do you doubt if you’ll like it? Why do you always wonder what others will think? Is not my opinion more important than theirs? If I make you a millionaire or if I led you to a life of couch surfing, will you not still PRAISE ME? I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD. I make the breeze you now enjoy, and I LOVE you, daughter.
Even if I didn’t do anything through you on the Race and I was just training you for something after- if you had to wait until after the race to see why I brought you on it, would you continue to stay? Would you stay on the Race? Would you continue to seek Me? To praise Me? To love Me? Am I worth it to you? “
I don’t know if I really have a point in this blog hopefully you can get little bits and pieces of what this month was like from the little I actually wrote.
There are a lot of little stories this month that are hard to blog about. As we get to know these people around the world- hear their stories, pray for them, love on them- they become like sisters, brothers, friends, mothers, fathers, daughters, and sons to us. It’s hard to put those stories on the internet for everyone to read. A lot of times, it’s not safe for them to put their stories on the internet. It’s hard to even tell other people about it over Skype or in person. These orphans, these prostitutes and ex-prostitutes, street kids, etc.- they’re real people. They’re just like me. They’re just like you. Their stories are real and important. Your stories are real and important. That person who annoys the snot out of you is important.The story of the person in front of you in line at the grocery store is important. They’re important if they have a similar background or not, if they speak the same language or not, and they’re important whether or not they smell decent. I need love, you need love, and they need love.
