Well, it’s almost the end of the month. We have one more day left here in Odessa filled with packing and goodbyes. Tomorrow night we board an all night train bound for Kiev where we will met up with the rest of our squad and fly home to Atlanta and then on to Miami for a short layover before landing in Honduras for month nine of The World Race.
This month our ministry has involved coffee shops, ballet, English and Russian clubs, and international prayer meetings. We have been working mostly with international medical students, building relationships while soaking up the culture of Odessa. My team and I had a little apartment all to ourselves this month where we cooked and drank tea and were given the ability to be somewhat “alone” – which is a rare gift on the Race.
In many ways, even though this month has been wonderful, it has also been one of the hardest for me personally. I am very weary of being surrounded by people 24/7. I am also tired of traveling and perhaps too honestly feel like I have nothing left to give relationally. I miss being alone in my car. I miss my old job. I miss Lean Pockets. =) I miss my small group. I miss my church. I miss my cell phone and my friends and Friday night dates with girls that made me laugh. Every now and then I can smell grass that has just been cut or the faint scent of coming rain and it reminds me of spring time in North Carolina and I wish I could wish myself there. I wish I could request that my sister make me a grilled cheese sandwich while I play with the kids, or I wish that I could sit around the dining room table at my parents’ house with all the girls in my family on a Sunday afternoon like we used to.
But it is not to be for another three months.
And so I am learning how to be here… wherever in the world here is for the moment. I’m not really learning about homesickness because that isn’t even what this is. I’m not learning about what it means to suck it up and keep going because that is who I am. I think I am learning instead simply how to be.
Before the Race I remember feeling stuck sometimes… like life wouldn’t move for me. Sometimes it seemed monotonous to do the same thing every week, week after week. But now I long for those predictable days of work and friends and family. Funny, how it is always easier to see the hard parts to whatever stage of life you currently find yourself in and it isn’t usually until the stage has past that you realize those days were beautiful.
I loved my life at home prior to leaving for this trip, but I’m not sure I realized how much. I am trying to hold on to the fact that one day I will turn around and realize what a gift I’ve been given to be here and not there for this year… and that learning how to be – a lifelong lesson, I’m sure – will make all the theres in front of me all the more lovely when I reach them.
As for the next here for me on this race:
Next month, after a few days of debrief, we will be working with Zion’s Gate Ministries in Honduras, living in our tents and serving together as an entire squad, which is a first for us. I am looking forward to warm weather, old friends and killing mosquitoes.
Between me and those mosquitoes though is an all night visit from my Dad, sister and brother-in-law in the Atlanta airport Sunday night and then a visit from both of my parents in Guatemala the following week. Thanks always for staying with me for the journey!
Carrie
