Today is travel day to month 4 and –
Happy New Year!
This post is dedicated to the 67 supporters that followed God’s prompting to join me in ministry.
To the 7 people/families that supported me faithfully every month.
To the 11 people/families that gave multiple times.
To my Hillside Church family back home who supported me out of their generosity fund.
To my dear friends who gave even when their house had just burned down.
To those who gave while preparing for their wedding, who cut their special foods budget, who bought my art, who let me clean their home.
To those 8 Anonymous givers, who together gave over $4,000.
To the person who donated the $3, because that’s what you had to share.
…
I wish i had eloquent words. Words that would fly off the screen and burn little holes of feeling into your heart so that you would know how grateful i am for you.
Honestly, i didn’t want to do this journey with anyone.
I know that’s an oxymoron since i am doing a year long trip stuck with at least 6 people at all times.
But, i wanted to do this self-sufficiently.
I never knew that i could do something so big in life and have so many people join me. And how good that would feel. How amazing. How warm and tight it makes my heart to know you are reading my words and you are praying for me and thinking of me, and know what i’m going through, what i’m feeling, and thinking, and in fact, getting to know me more.
I didn’t grow up knowing this feeling.
I grew up with apprehension.
I grew up never wanting to do the wrong thing. I grew up dreading being stupid. I ran away to my books and my writing to control situations, to be in controlled situations. To learn and to explore.
And now, i’m riding buses for 55 hours, passing landscaped my eye has only dreamed of.
A shirtless man, holding a machete, hacking at a tree by the side of the road flashes by. The bus is rocking and bouncing down a long and winding dirt road, throwing up clouds creating a brown haze, but i can’t close the window even though it’s making me choke; because the wind is the only thing soothing my nausia.
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I’m on another bus, and there’s almost no space between where my body ends and three or four others begin. And the little child next to me sucking hungrily at her moms breast, grabs my finger tightly, while 3 chickens flap near my feet in a burlap bag.
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I’m walking down a broken and at times missing cement sidewalk, avoiding dog poop, and at times dogs too. And there’s mulberry stains that i am tracking down the sidewalk. The heat is hugging me like a large person in a very small airplane seat; warm and wet so that although i was clean 5 minutes before, i am now drenched with my own sweat.
This is how i arrive to school to help teach.
I’m not sure if i should be embarrassed or confident.
Then the teachers offer me hot tea, which i politely accept.
..
I am raking, and i can feel my skin sliding away from my hand; it is a burning sensation that at first feels alright.
The more i rake the more grass and leaves curl up under the tines; and i wonder if it will ever stop.
My mouth longs for the sweet fruit hanging in clusters from the trees all around. But they are all still so green.
My throat is dry and my back hurts, but the girl who is raking with me is still picking up my piles. So i keep raking.
I am thinking of Jesus. Asking Him for strength – and considering my proud little stubborn heart and asking Him to teach me – despite my resistance…
I am praying that this counts.
That im making a difference at this girls home. And that i’ll be able to work just as hard the next day. Or that my stomach would finally start digesting properly again.
And im thinking of cold juice, or soda.
I love the way the soda burns and bubbles across my tongue and slides down my throat…and always tastes the same no matter where you go.
I stop and my hand is bleeding on the rake – and the rake has lost a nail and the head has fallen off.
..
I sit on my bag, which is in the street and wait for my teammates to disembark yet another bus and get their luggage.
As i wait i watch a long stream of urine fly out from under the bus – where the bathroom is situated – and run slowly down the cobbled street.
It’s 4:30am and it is cold.
We only have 3 more hours to wait in the terminal for our next bus.
..
I sit against the beige wall and smell marijuana. It’s been 4 hours since they took my passport and about an hour since they climbed in a car with it and drove off. I am nausious and a headache is tearing open my eyes and skull. And i’m wondering if i’ll ever see my passport again – although i already saw over $6000 counted out to them for our visas….
Dogs wander over and plop down around our luggage. And then the hail starts. But i’m too tired and sick to move. And although it feels like the ice is cutting me, it isn’t.
And then it stops. And we are still there, waiting; wet.
..
We are sitting beneath a bamboo trellis, woven with grapevines, little clusters of baby green grapes swaying in the gentle breeze. And these young people are performing Psalm 139 in their own words for us. Songs, poems, raps…they are sharing their hearts and their stories. And the tears are rolling down my cheeks as i share this sacred moment.
It’s been 2 days, and the time has flown past with sweet flickerings of fellowship, between prayers and jokes and food, we have bonded with these strangers.
The hugs goodbye were difficult. We hoped each person left knowing they are loved and valuable.
We have given and recieved back double.
We step around giant mud puddles and wave goodbye from the back of the van.
..
Little flickering memories…the last of 2017 on a bus while fireworks shot off into the darkness around us.
There is more.
So much more that i have felt, and seen, and done.
And i realize how selfish my self-sufficient attitude to life was…and in some ways still is.
I know i could not have done this journey alone. In every respect.
You don’t know how much your friendship before this year, messages during this year, and your hearts for me during this “race” has meant to me. How much you in my life is an encouragement to me.
And there is more to see, and feel, and do – ahead.
Please journey on with me!
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Happy New Year!
Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!
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Thank you for journey with me into 2018!
I am humbled to have you share with me, and to be sharing with you!
I send my love from South America as i prepare to head off to Asia!!!
