Dear Leadership:
so, yea. There’s been a lot that has happened the last month and a half. But i like checkin’ things off. So i thought, you gave us a new jm format, and i’d respond in like – so i can check this off my mental to-do list and say “i did it”.
Dear Everyone else:
JMs are Journey Markers. They’re questions we are sent (basically every week) to help people who make decisions about us, who are not with us, know how we are doing; and for us to be able to process (race/life) ‘stuff’ on a regular basis.
Welcome to my “heres a list of questions i have to answer when i havent even had time to think and i still have so many other things to do like write a blog” – moment.
This is the last jm questions we were sent.
Here’s a couple questions for ya:
1) What has the Father been showing you recently?
2) Excitment level of being in Africa on a scale of 1-10 (1 being take me back to Eastern Europe ASAP and 10 being I have found paradise) and whyyyy.
3) What are 5 things you’d like to run after this next week? (Ie – starting a new bible reading plan, praying for someone on the streets every day, taking my teammate out to coffee, etc.)
4) What are you most looking forward to these next couple months in Africa?
Here’s a couple of answers for ya:
1. God spent a lot of time showing me about being truthful.
That statement alone sounds odd, i know. Like, “So, you struggle with honesty? With lying? Or what?…” Well, yea. I have had periods of life when i’ve struggled with lying. But that’s not what i’m talking about here.
Here i’m talking about not factoring in how my truth would affect people. How it would affect peoples oppinion(s) of me or of themselves. How i could be percieved or recieved, how i feel about myself – how people will feel about themselves if i say something, so i decide not to allow that to happen by not saying even, at times, what i should. fears. Fears that i usually ignore or factor in as caring for others well.
God was telling me several things. All having to do with throwing off timidity and being bold. Being who He made me to be.
As my Grandmother said, “God made you stubborn for a reason! Dont try not to be. Be stubborn. Be stubborn for the things He made you to be stubborn for.”
2. I am excited at a neutral 5. I am eager to experience each new place without much expectations. I am most excited about experiencing the authentic forms of worship.
3. Five things?!? …that’s more goals than i’ve made for the year. So i guess i plan on running after rest, prayer, authenticity, openness to newness, and continuing to be present.
Honestly, I think sometimes less is more.
To really grow, to really learn, to really change i think takes unwavering and unhindered focus. Focus on a single goal. Sometimes that can seem pathetic but i think that it’d be better to focus, learn, and change one thing than juggle several and not get any progress by the end of a space of time. And the resulting frustration of that method has disheartened me from trying to tackle things in the past.
So right now, less is more for me.
…in some sense its like packing a bag for the world race. It seemed wise to pack for every possible thing id need while still staying inside the weight limit, but in the long run i never used much of what i packed. Didnt need it. And in reality, I was able to get anything i needed any/everywhere ive been.
So, less would have been so much easier and made my experience so much more enjoyable/peaceful/easy.
4. Im looking forward to hearing worship born from the hearts of the church here.
Im looking forward to diverse culture and amazing ethnic food.
Im looking forward to less.
Im looking forward to spending the rest of “the race” with my team 7Ronin: Grace, John, Kelsey, Megan, Taylor, Tim, and our new member Maria.
Im looking forward to the way God is going to provide for me.
Im looking forward to being bold and experiencing more while giving up more while having less –
Im looking forward to laughter, rest, and hard work.
Im looking forward to the as yet unexperienced.
.
i am not yet who i am becoming.
i am excited for my faith to grow.
i am happy to be here, in Rwanda. i arrived yesterday, and it is beautiful. It is so beautiful, and peoples stares make me feel that i am right where i belong.
.
While back in the states i found myself saying, “Gods been teaching me that –” or “God showed me that –” so many times that im excited to grow even more.
I have been learning, i have been changing, and i am eager for more
