Shout out to all my Squadies!
I haven’t given a shout out for a while and i appologize because honestly i think of you guys almost everyday.
This shout out is to Laura Kitay, Lacey Swegan, Casey Wheelock, Uncle Doug Jung, Cousin Emily Day, Abby Bowers, Sarah Cooke, Kayla Vezeau, Marilyn Brown, Rachel Webb, Dennis Simmons, Melinda Davis, Perry Ghilarducci, the McVays, Anne Royster, Beverly Wanner, Jackie Carlisle, Mook-lan and John, Hyungboo and Aunt Joanni, and always, my Kimmy.
Thanks for your friendships and your personal sacrifice to send me here.
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I have a blog im writing about my arrival to Romania and all that jazz, and always, pictures included. But this blog is a good ol’ self blog.
You should know by now, that i like to dig around and write about myself. I have no idea when or how that happened…but unfortunately for you im getting to like to share on here a bit of whats behind the smile, and multi layered outfits.
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my typical day outfit:
– jeans
– a long sleeve shirt (usually the one ive been wearing for several days)
– my black vest with all the pockets
– scarf
– running shoes
Here i am.
That’s the smiling me.
So what’s behind that smile?
– generally a curious searching gaze
i look for lost items to be procured
i look for people needing help
i look for beautiful things to examine
i look for interesting places to explore
i look for things to touch
i look for unusual people or things to take pictures of
– generally a curious mind
i like to listen for interesting information
i like to read signs and words and try them out in my mouth
i like to consider the situations of the people around me
i like to hear new music and find out what it is so i can listen to it later
i like to know things, – because of course i am curious!
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What else?
If i am honest, sometimes i stop and think about life. And sometimes – i try not to too often – i stop and think about the way i feel.
Lately, i haven’t had the luxury.
I feel that ive been thrust into a charlie and the chocolate factory like tubework of all the suffocating chocolatey feels….
I have had to feel all the feels and that has been unsettling to say the least.
I feel like my state of existing on a somewhat peaceful path has been interupted.
Like an earthquake’s broken my path wide open, and now i am in for a detour…
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Sometimes thinking about how i feel is ok, and i can define what’s up, and what i need to do. And other times, like now, its confusing and trying to define how i feel and what i need to work on is like sitting on the floor surrounded by the scattered shards of a broken bowl, and being asked to put it all together.
I hold two crazy slivers in my fingers, and they are cutting me, and already this task is unwanted.
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i still feel Jesus asking me to care
and i still feel like i don’t want to
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i am unsure of what to do
how to care
how to stop not wanting to
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Still feel called to let people “love” me
and still unwilling to know what that means
and totally unsure of how to even start without being too needy or seem crazy
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i realize my stubbornness and my defensiveness
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i realize, and i feel unequipt for this.
for community at this invasive level…
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So, this is me writing a “pray for me” post.
And, why the title about plum rakija? (It’s basically a Serbian vodka) If you were here, i’d say, “Pour me a shot, and let’s talk.”
My heart is still in Serbia.
