Something has happened. Something changed. The enemy is fleeing; screaming. The cage is being ripped apart. The walls are burning down. There’s havoc. There’s chaos. Suddenly, there’s silence.
How strange a silence it is. So calming and peaceful. I still see the smoke rising, and the embers are still hot, but this is a field of victory. The war came. It’s was terrible. So much death. But it was the enemy that took the loss. I’ve come out, once a prisoner of war, now a victor.
Scars remain as a reminder of what it cost, but it was worth every second of pain. I look to my Captain. I collapse in His arms. At last, I am free.
Honduras was an incredible month for my team, and for myself. I learned so much about stepping out of my comfort zone, and I learned a lot about fighting fear. The month was going so well, then towards the beginning of Semana Santa (Holy Week), I got a phone call from one of the squad leaders. Very curious (and sightly alarming haha), since I have never gotten a phone call before.
Naturally, being the rational person I am, I assumed I was in trouble or did something wrong with finances, or worse yet, was going to be asked to do something I didn’t feel comfortable doing. Our squad leaders have a habit of asking us to do things we’re not comfortable with.
To my dismay and delight, it was the latter. I was asked to lead a Bible study for the whole squad at Leadership Development Weekend. How terrifying…how exciting. A challenge. I hate and love challenges. I absolutely despise talking in front of large groups of people, especially in a semi-formal setting. I tend to panic.
Well, I did panic. For the whole week. It was such a stressful week. I had this on my mind the whole time and was constantly asking God for what I was supposed to share. God has a sense of humor, I’m sure, because He answered me with “talk to them about Fear.”
The irony. “Alright God, but what do I say? I’m no good at this.” “I know what you’re good at. I created you. I want you to share your struggles. I want you to face fear in one last standoff. Let Me show you what I can do.”
So what do you do when God tells you to do something you don’t want to do? You do it. Otherwise, you may end up in the belly of a whale. Just saying.
So God gave me the words He wanted me to share. I doubted the whole time that what I had to say was what He wanted me to say, but I chose to do it anyway. And it was the most freeing thing I have ever done. It was literally a 180 degree moment for me. I’m no longer a slave to fear. I was so afraid before I spoke that I was physically ill. After it was over, I was free. Free of fear that has held me down for so long. I’m not going to say I enjoy speaking now, because that would be a lie. But I sure enjoyed knowing I did what I was asked and that it blessed many people on my squad.
Fear wants to keep us back from blessing others and being blessed. I had the option to say no at any time. But I chose Jesus over fear. It’s incredible what He will do through us if we just say yes.
