I don’t really know how to sum up training camp. It was incredible. It was heartbreaking. It was cold. It was fun. It was hard. It was full of tears. It was full of laughter. It was full of love.
I don’t know or understand how people, who are otherwise complete strangers, become as close as family or closer in just 10 days. I met some incredible people. I am on a team of incredible people. I have incredible leaders and mentors. I just know that God has orchestrated it all. It was and is amazing. The people are so real and so raw…it’s refreshing.
I look forward to seeing them all again at launch in January.
I was physically, mentally, and spiritually pushed and stretched further than I’ve ever been. I learned so much in such a short amount of time…about God, about others, and about myself.
Looking back over my notes, I become overwhelmed again. I knew I was made for more than what I was settling for just a few short months ago. In just 10 days, God radically changed my perspective of Him and myself and the world around me.
I cannot express enough the amount of mixed emotions. I became so close to my new family, C-squad, and now my heart misses them, but I’m glad to be home with my first family. I also know that I cannot waste this time living in the past. He has me here for a purpose.
I went in unsure of my identity and kind of lost…I didn’t realize how lost I was or how much I needed to grow going into training camp. I like to refer to training camp as “Christian boot camp.” It was amazing what I learned about myself and how I interact with God and others around me.
I learned it’s easier to run with 35 pounds on my back than it is for me to speak my heart to someone I could trust- even to God. I learned how little I valued myself and how that is not okay. I am a daughter of the King. The spiritual pack I’ve been weighing myself down with for years is being shed.
I found my identity.
From my journal:
“I learned so much about myself during training camp.
I learned that I can cry more than I ever thought possible.
I learned that God has a way of bringing weirdos [yeah, C-squad you know who you are! ;)] together so they become family in Him.
I learned I eat more than I need, and that when portion sizes were smaller than I expected, I had a bad habit of going around looking for extras on other plates.
I learned how much I love community worship time. Seriously…it’s incredible when the Holy Spirit leads worship and we step aside.
I learned just how broken and self-conscious I am/was and how much of a people-pleaser I am/have been.
I learned that my chains of sin are broken when I’m a slave to Christ.
I have value. I am loved. My identity is in Christ alone.
That He works in us when we are finally broken- when we finally give ourselves to Him.
He wants us. He loves us. He will not force us, but He died for us so we may live.
He loves me despite my shame.
I need to give others space to be themselves and to love them as Christ loves- without preconceived notions of how they should behave according to my law, and remember that they are human and struggle too.
I learned that I am not alone.
I learned my voice matters.
My heart and passions matter.
I learned God can use anyone willing to die to themselves.
I learned to dance like no one is watching and that it will give others courage to do the same.
I learned that vulnerability creates honesty. Honesty creates trust. Trust creates community. Community creates love. Love creates life. Life creates joy and laughter.
That we can live freely in Christ.
I learned that to love others I need to love myself- to recognize Christ loves me so much He died for me.
That I am human.
That I am a daughter of the King.
That I dance with the Prince of Peace.
I am His beloved. His first love. His heart’s desire. The crowning gem of His creation.
He has answered me. O, how He loves me.”
I have God and my incredible supporters to thank for putting me on this path. This journey would not be possible without you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
