I have to learn to be content with who God made me. I always want to have talents and abilities that are not mine, instead of working on the ones I have. I have a comparison problem.
I need to come to terms with my perfectionism complex. I want to be good at everything, especially the things that are not in my set of skills. I’m not being content with and working on the gifts I’ve been given.
That being said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to pick up a new skill. However, it’s a matter of the heart behind the reason I want a new skill.
Last night, Tharseo prayed over me after I shared my story. My biggest take away was that I need to be passionate about what I’m good at, not what I wish I were good at. More points I took away were that I need to learn to trust my teammates with my thoughts and feelings.
I fight an internal war. Over the years, I learned to internally process, and now very rarely trust my thoughts or feelings to others. I prefer to “fly under the radar.”
Now it’s a literal struggle for me to voice my thoughts and feelings- feelings even more so. As a defense mechanism, I’ve slowly learned to block out feeling most of my emotions.
It will continue to be a struggle for an untold amount of time, but I choose to be more passionate about the things I love. I choose to be more intentional to let others know my heart. I will allow myself to be seen and loved.
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Today was our last day in Sarapiqui. It’s so hard to say goodbye. It’s crazy because we’ve only known these people for a week, but they’ve touched our hearts and treated us as family. I feel like I spent a whole month here, at least. I felt at home.
We’ve had VBS, church, youth ministry, and time to bond with the families and neighbors. We’ve ridden a horse, swam in the river, rode a motorcycle (I may have gotten slightly burned- sorry mom!), stood in the pouring rain for the fun of it, and eaten the freshest pineapple. (We were surrounded by pineapple fields!)
I’ll never forget the face of the sweet, shy little girl who smiled back at with me with such a smile that I couldn’t help but feel loved. The one who shook her head “yes” when I asked with my limited Spanish, “¿tu eres mi amiga?” (you are my friend?).
We’ve gotten to see the beauty of Costa Rica and of God- in both the scenery and the people. A piece of my heart will stay in La Virgen de Sarapiqui… And I’m okay with that.
