I did not come on the Race to feed the orphans. I did not come on the Race to comfort the widows. Honestly, I did not come on the Race to be a missionary.
I came because God called me out of my comfort zone to bring me closer to Him. I left my family, my friends, my job- for Him and only Him.
You may be asking why God would call me here, if not for the missions. A fair question.
He called me on to the World Race because He knows me better than I do. He knew the only way He would get the relationship and attention He deserves, is if He pulled me away from everything I know and love.
Quite honestly, my relationship with God was never what it should have been. I didn’t have my life together and decide to become “Saint Carolyn” and travel the world to share the Gospel. Quite the opposite. I’m a mess and I hate talking to new people.
He called me out of the United States to show me there’s more to life than things. There’s more to life than food. There’s more to life than work. There’s more to life than sleep. There’s more to life than paying bills. There’s a whole world and billions of created people to meet.
He brought me out of my Egypt because He needed to grow me before I could enter His Promise Land (who He created me to be). There were too many distractions and I was too comfortable there to take Him seriously. So He called me out. I gladly followed His bidding, albeit a little nervous, but I left in rejoicing. I left unsure of my future.
I left on the promise of something better. But my version of “better” and God’s version of “better” are very different. I left in expectation, which quickly turned into cries of fear and confusion. I was with people I didn’t know to do things I didn’t know how to do.
Here in my desert, He has tested me (ironically, I’ve been in a desert the majority of this month). I’ve had victories and I’ve had failures. I’m learning to trust Him more and more. I just hope it doesn’t take me 40 years to reach the Promise Land.
So, no. I did not come on the race to be a missionary. I came on the Race because God called me out of my comfort zone to draw closer to Him. To be more than I was. The missions opportunities are His tools, and my benefit. The travel is a bonus for me, as well as teachable moments since I have lots of time to think and pray on buses and planes. The relationships I’m developing with people in different countries as well as my squad mates are treasures I wouldn’t trade for anything.
But I can’t help but think, how sad it is He had to call me thousands of miles away from home to learn to listen to Him. We’re so easily distracted.
It seems everything weighs in my favor by listening to His calling. Not to say it’s easy, because it definitely seems there’s more hard than easy days. But in the grand scheme of things, His glory is my benefit. I pray that I may decrease so He may increase.
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As month four comes to a close, I hope this sheds some light on my reasons for being here and why I don’t have a lot of “orphan and widow” blogs. While I want to do my best to inform you what I’m doing and to cherish every opportunity I get, I also want you to know why God called me here.
I want to encourage you to discipline yourself to listen for God’s voice and calling on your life. You won’t regret following Him. Live life to His fullest.
