To all of my blog readers: I owe you an apology. Since the beginning of this journey I’ve struggled to be honest with you, and for that I’m very sorry.
What I mean by this is I’ve struggled to be open, to be vulnerable and to really share my heart through my blog. It’s easy to show glimpses of this crazy life I’m living through pictures and videos, but I’ve somehow had the unrealistic expectation that that would give a full understanding in to life on the World Race.
It’s not that I don’t want to share, in fact, I wish there was a way to upload my memories to the internet for everyone to experience without me having to explain, but it’s not that easy.
My issue with blogging is a fear of being vulnerable. If I’ve learned one thing about myself these first few months, it’s that I tend to down play the important things. A lot. Whether I’m struggling with personal issues, feeling sick, or have experienced God moving in my heart in a big way – I never seem to express these things like I should. But through living in close community in this team of amazing women, hiding my true feelings has proved to be nearly impossible.
In turn though, I think after opening up to my team, I fail to open up to anyone else. I fail to open up to my friends, family and supporters back home who have been walking with me on this journey since the beginning. I have this idea that everything I show to you needs to be lighthearted and fun. I fear that being real and raw will scare people away and make them not want to read my blog or keep in touch.
But over the past few days, God has really hit me over the head (in a kind and loving way of course) and shown me that the people in my life need to hear the truth. The real truth, not the sugarcoated truth that I’ve been sharing.
God also reminded me that my blog is just as much a part of my ministry as what I’ve been doing overseas. That sharing my story can encourage others in whatever struggles they’re facing. And, that it’s okay to be bold in my faith because I should share all the amazing ways I’ve seen God move, even when it’s hard to put into words.
So with that being said, I want to assure everyone that the World Race isn’t just about riding elephants and petting tigers. It’s about sharing the love of Jesus with those who have little hope, spreading His kingdom to every corner of this earth and giving up everything we’ve ever known for His glory. And through all of that, God blesses us by opening our eyes and changing our own hearts in the process.
From here on, I promise to be more open, even if it’s uncomfortable for me, and possibly even for you. But let’s be honest, it’s hard to grow if we never leave our comfort zone.
X
