Month 7 – Bulgaria
One thing I’ve struggled with since before I even left on the World Race is this: life doesn’t stop moving at home when you’re gone.
The reality of this brought me bittersweet emotions as I eagerly waited to leave last September. On one hand, I couldn’t wait to start this new chapter in my life, but on the other hand it felt strange that everyone I loved at home wouldn’t fully be a part of it, and I wouldn’t fully be a part of their lives either.
As each month on the race passed by, the further from home I felt. Engagements, weddings, babies, new homes, new jobs – and I started to question “God, why did you ask me to be gone this year when so much is happening at home?”
Everytime I hear exciting news from home, it’s a strange rollercoaster of emotions. Of course I’m overjoyed because these are people I love and good things are happening to them – but then again I’m sad I can’t be a part of it – then I feel a little convicted for being selfish – and then I try figure out how to be a good friend and love and support them from a distance – while of course not being too much of a burden for them to keep updated….
I know it sounds crazy, but the struggle is real. Whenever I feel the movements of this emotional rollercoaster before me, I’ve learned to just take it to the Lord, because clearly my human emotions can’t navigate it alone. It’s with Him that I find peace and reassurance that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I wish I had the answer to why things work out like this, but I don’t. And in all honesty, it’s just as hard for me today to miss out on the lives of loved ones back home as it was in month one. But what I have learned (and often remind myself of) is this:
God has a plan for all of us, and each plan has certain seasons that we are required to walk through. Seasons come and go, and with that so do the people and places that are part of those seasons. But when you love someone as a friend or as part of your family, seasons don’t take that away.
My season right now is the World Race, which looks different in pretty much every way from my loved ones back home, but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less. And I know that when this year is over, they won’t ever fully understand what I have experienced. Likewise, I will never be able to change the fact that I wasn’t there to walk with them through their season. Things will be different, there’s no denying that, but my love will be the same. In fact, it has only grown deeper.
So to my friends and family back home, know that I love and appreciate you even more now than the day I left. I know we don’t talk to each other every week, every month, or even at all, but you are always on my heart.
Last Saturday one of my very best friends, Laura, got married. Her and her husband got engaged shortly before I left and she asked me to be her Maid of Honor, even though she knew I wouldn’t be there for the wedding. Although it was really difficult for me to miss, it was a great reminder of how blessed I am to have the friends that I do.
Laura’s Maid of Honor Speech from Carolyn Bradley on Vimeo.
