When I signed up to go on the World Race I longed to know God more. I wanted to experience Him in ways that I never had before. I wanted to see His Kingdom reign across this earth and see His people from every nation worshipping Him freely.
It is now month 4 of my World Race, and I have seen God deliver on everything I longed for. From China, Thailand, Cambodia and now Malaysia I have witnessed His glory in more ways than I could ever describe in one blog. But there is one way I have seen God move that is perhaps the most precious in my heart.
God is big, like really big. He even did this thing once called creating the universe. He is in control of everything that has ever happened, and continues to do more everyday. But he also knows every detail about each of His children. He knows the desires of our hearts and our deepest secrets – good and bad. And what he knew about me was how I longed to walk more intimately with him.
Before these past few months, it’s safe to say that my conversations with God were a little one-sided. I told him everything about myself and my life, but failed to give Him an opportunity to say anything back. I would even ask Him questions and expect an answer, but never allow Him the time or space to speak.
But that’s exactly what the Lord longs to do! He delights in showering His children with love and making His voice known. His Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us is like a direct access to the heart of God. So why then, have I not spent less time talking and more time listening?
Since asking myself this question at the beginning of the race, I have seen a radical shift in my “prayer” life. Often times we mistake prayer as us talking to God, but true relationships require sharing and listening. Yes, prayer requires listening.
Now that I’ve opened my ears to hear God, really hear Him, He has spoken to me in ways I never could have imagined. And not just with big, life changing things, but with the little things as well. Our God is a God of the big and the little things.
In Thailand during intercessory prayer, while my teammates were out at night for bar ministry, Jesus and I had some awesome, intimate moments. He would speak to me about Chiang Mai, our ministry contact and specific relationships I had formed. Often times He would reveal something to me – usually a Bible verse or metaphor – and my teammates would come home from the bars with the same thought placed in their hearts. This allowed us to be direct and bold in our prayers because the Lord was telling us exactly what we were fighting against.
In Cambodia during Unsung Heroes ministry, I would ask the Lord daily how he wanted me to seek Him. He knows how much I like schedules, and I would allow Him to make mine everyday. We had the freedom to choose what our ministry looked like, and for me that meant choosing Him daily. Finding contacts for future World Racers was hugely successful for my team because we allowed the Lord to direct each step.
And now, here in Malaysia, the Lord has revealed His heart to me by speaking to the deepest desires of mine. He has shown me areas where I long to grow personally and given me opportunities to do so. He has affirmed me in His love and goodness over and over again and ignited passion in my heart for things I didn’t know mattered to me. He has made this month so intimate and so personal, but I would have never experienced any of it, if I didn’t choose to listen.
I know you’re probably wondering, what exactly does it look like when God speaks to you? To tell you the truth, it’s different every single time. Sometimes it’s in written form as my pen spills words across a page so clearly and eloquently that I know they’re not my own. Sometimes it’s in dreams that are so detailed and direct that they feel real. Sometimes it’s through Bible verses that have been placed on my heart, and always seem to be exactly what needed to be said. But what ties all of these occurrences together is the trust I have that they are from Him.
The peace and confidence I have when He speaks is unlike anything I have experienced before. The presence of His Holy Spirit is so alive it’s tangible, and I become aware that the desires of my heart are aligning with His. This is a precious gift that I will treasure always, and I am so thankful to serve a God who’s hunger for a personal relationship with me goes beyond my comprehension.
That’s right, the God who created the universe wants to speak to me. And after 26 years of longing to hear from him more directly, I finally realized He’s been speaking to me all along, I just had to learn how to listen.
