When I was at training camp in July, one statement I heard over and over again about the World Race was “lose all expectations.” What I didn’t realize is that I had so many expectations that would be challenged before I even left.
My plan was to go to launch, receive some additional training, celebrate the beginning of this journey with my team, introduce my parents to the squad and AIM staff, and then finally travel to China with everyone. I expected to do these things.
I don’t necessarily believe that these plans, and therefore expectations, were inherently bad or wrong; but the dependence I put on them was. When all of this was happening as I was in the hospital, I went through a period where I felt like the world was collapsing around me. All of my planning and all of my expectations were shot and I had no idea what the next step was.
On Friday night after my surgery, I laid awake in the hospital bed half the night begging God to heal me miraculously by the morning so I could fly to Launch and continue on my intended path. When I woke up the next morning, I wasn’t healed, but that’s when it hit me. This incident was exactly what I needed.
You see, a few years ago I started to pray with a more open and willing heart. I continuously asked the Lord to do whatever it takes in my life to bring me closer to Him. To stir my affections for Him, so I am truly living for Him and Him alone – even if that means breaking me in the process.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not seeking out pain and difficult situations, but I know, just like the Lord knows, that these are the times I draw closest to Him. It’s these situations that help me to take a step back and direct my focus on Jesus.
Ever since I started praying that prayer, I’ve been broken both emotionally and physically over and over again. But every time it tastes a little sweeter because I know it’s the Lord answering my prayers and refining my heart to be more like His. And I’m confident that this was the case with the “lion attack.”
To be honest, I should have probably seen it coming. Over the past several weeks I felt that my heart needed be realigned. Somewhere in the mix of quitting my job, selling my car, renting my house and doing everything else needed to prepare for this trip, I kept forgetting to include Jesus. I was so focused on the trip that I spent more time preparing all the silly details, than I did with the Lord.
But this trip isn’t about how many ounces I can take out of my pack, how many fundraising letters I can send out or how many blogs I can write. This trip is about Jesus. In fact, this trip is just one year of an entire lifetime that’s about Jesus.
Isn’t it funny that even on the World Race, a path that is specifically focused on serving the Lord and spreading His kingdom, we still manage to get off track and focus on ourselves? Yet He forgives us for our selfishness, He washes away our sin, and He invites us back with open arms.
Now, after a 2 week delay, I finally get to meet up with my squad in China. My hand is well on its way to being healed, and so is my heart. I’m still grieving the fact that I missed out on launch, but I also trust this was the best way for me. As I head out on this incredible journey, I leave with a renewed spirit and a new plan. Yes, that’s right, I made another plan. But this time my plan is to just keep my focus on Jesus, exactly where it should be.
