Sad. Really Sad. That’s about the only way I can truly articulate my current feelings. After just two short weeks on the field in Cambodia, my team was woken up in the middle of the night with a message that would change the trajectory of our entire Race: we were going home.
Due to the current COVID-19 pandemic that is affecting just about every corner of our globe, Adventures in Missions made the decision to pull all World Race squads off of the field as borders began to close, flights began to change, and the virus continued to spread to many of the countries in which their missionaries were living. So, within a matter of 24 hours, we were packing our bags and heading to the Siem Reap airport to leave Cambodia as quickly as possible. From there, we took a short flight to Singapore, had a 19-hour layover, flew to Tokyo, and then finally to Los Angeles. The original plan was to stay in LA for a few days to debrief and process together as a squad, but because of the increasing severity of the situation, we said our goodbyes today and will be flying back to our home states within the next 18 hours.
As could be expected, this quick turnaround has proved hard and lacked some much needed closure — for all of us. Missing out on 2 more months in the beautiful country of Cambodia, 2 more months of living in the BEST community with my Gap A family, 2 more months with my sweet team, and 2 more months of growth and transformation are things I’ve started to come to terms with over the last few days. And it hasn’t been easy. If you don’t believe me, ask the custom’s officer who greeted me in the States (I literally couldn’t answer ANY of his questions, I was sobbing so uncontrollably).
This isn’t at all what I had imagined coming home to be like. Not being able to go to my favorite places or eat my favorite foods or see some of my favorite people. It’s hard coming back to an America that’s so different from what it was when I left it. But I’ve decided to choose joy within the sadness and to embrace a positive attitude even when that’s the last thing I want to do. I’ve been reminding myself of the fact that the Lord already knew, even before I started the Race, that I’d only be on it for 7 months. His plan all along was to bring me back home at this time, even in the midst of all of this craziness.
Another funny little God wink I wanted to share — On Sunday, my last night in Cambodia, I sat down to open up the remainder of the letters people had written me to take along my journey. I opened up my “Month 7” letter from Lilly, my younger sister, and read it with a smile, thinking about getting to see her in just a few short days. Anyways. I got to the last line she had written (back in August) which read “I wanted to remind you that the number 7 is representative of ‘completion’ in the Bible, so I personally think that you should be done and come home now so that I can hug you for a really long time. But I guess that’s not how it works. So, I’ll see ya in June!” I thought that that was such a crazy cool confirmation that our God is so much bigger than this whole situation, no matter how confusing it all may seem.
I also wanted to share a bit more of how I’m trying to handle things from here on out. Two pieces of Scripture I’m holding close to my heart right now are Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice” and Romans 5:3-4 “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” While I’m allowing myself to grieve this loss and to feel all the emotions as they come, I’m choosing to do that with a mindset and heart posture of rejoicing in the Lord, who is the Creator and Perfecter of all things. I am trusting His timing and His will and in that have been able to find peace, hope, and joy — things that, especially during this time, are not super common in our society. I have decided to choose freedom in Jesus over the fear that comes from the world. I am praying that the Lord would reveal to me how to be a refreshment to my community back home and to utilize the things He has given and shown me on the Race to ignite hope within a nation that is begging and yearning so desperately for something to hope in and hold on to.
During this time, I’m asking for a lot of prayers and a lot of patience — for me, and for my whole squad. Everything has happened so suddenly, leaving us with little time to process re-entry into the United States or even think about having to return home so early. I always feel so loved and encouraged by all of your messages, and with that am asking in advance for a little grace if it takes me a bit longer than usual to respond. And while I’m looking forward to jumping right back into the swing of life in Maryland, I will definitely be spending a lot of time alone with the Lord, processing through the last 7 months of my life.
Between saying goodbye to my best friends, many long travel days, the effects of reverse culture shock, and 12 hours of jet lag, I am bracing myself for some very hard weeks ahead. But awhile ago I made a promise to Jesus — that I’d follow him anywhere. Even if he’s leading me right back home.
