Dear Hmarkhawlien,
You were a home that I had to fight to love.
The first few days here I felt a wave purposelessness and discomfort. I felt unneeded here, almost like we were just taking up space. The enemy picked up on my unease and used that to encourage entitlements and highlight discomforts. I was tired of sleeping for the fifth month in a row on my sleeping pad in a cramped room now with twenty one girls. I quickly got tired of the water shutting off everyday and sharing a bathroom with one shower, three toilets, and two sinks with forty other people. I was tired of doing kids ministry and hosting VBSs again and again. I wanted more comfort. I wanted more community. I missed home more than I had the entire race. I wanted more.
Sure the enemy spoke a little louder those first days, but the Lord quickly opened my eyes to the entitlements my sub-conscience thought I needed : hot water, reliable water supply, clean water, a bed, a washing machine, entertainment. He reminded me that those were entitlements that I was lucky enough to grow up with, but none of which I needed.
We didn’t have much in Hmarkhawlien, but we did have Jesus. He reminded me that the only thing I said yes to when I signed up for the race, was the Almighty King. all I wanted was more of Jesus. I said I would follow him anywhere, so even when I’m in a village in India and I don’t see why, I chose to trust that He has work to do here. on days when the Lord is all I have, that’s okay because He’s all I wanted in the first place!
I knew the Lord would put us where he needed us, but my flesh was clouding my vision. I couldn’t see the work He had for us here. I couldn’t see very clearly what He was doing here. I couldn’t see what He was teaching me yet. I needed him to open my eyes and to change my mindset. I needed him to give me his eyes for you. And after seven weeks here, He made a place that I didn’t want to be in, a place that was hard to leave.
I grew to appreciate all that you are, Hmarkhawlien. The people. The kids. The churches. the roosters and the geese. The many, many cows. The many, many snack shops. The schools. The eclectic array of cultures. The morning crowd by the watering holes. The heavily polluted sun. The call to prayer from the mosque down the road. The tea. The walk to the meal tent. The churches. The communities. The peace. The simplicity. The generosity. The kindness.
It felt weird to leave a village where we were so immersed in a Christian community to go to a much smaller and much quieter village, staying in the center of Christian, Hindi, and Muslim communities. The diversity in cultures here I first saw as a challenge, but I came to see it as even more room for the Lord to work. Even more space for Unity through Christ. Even more opportunity for God’s children to return to him. What a cool opportunity to be able to plant seeds of unity and reconciliation.
I loved being undoubtedly welcomed into homes with hospitality and generosity.
I loved being able to intercede during the Hindu festival, to pray powerfully and boldly.
I loved having kitchen duty as some ministry and getting more quality time with our squad’s bestie, and favorite cook, Dara.
I loved being at Agape school with the most fun group of eight year olds I’ve met.
I loved going to prayer mountain and getting a vision from the Lord that this entire village will one day be shouting “hallelujah”, that his freedom is blowing over this whole town, and that he is fighting their battle for religious freedom in India.
I loved getting to learn traditional Hmar dances from the group of kids at Aesopoli (and teach them the little bit of swing dancing that I know).
I loved being able to hear about the Indian government from locals’ perspectives, and being able to understand more of what some laws being passes look like once executed.
I loved making friends with sack shop owners.
I loved being able to talk with Sanchin about the lack of religious freedom here and what the relationship is like between different religious or cultural groups.
I loved seeing how generous your people are, how willing and happy they are to give so much much even though they have little.
I loved meeting Grace and seeing to clearly how God is so present within schools here.
I loved being to celebrate New Years with your people.
I loved having tea in every home we went into to spark community.
I loved being woken up early by the call to prayer which let me see many sunrises.
I loved being able to have yoga classes Tuesdays and Thursdays with Zoe.
I loved seeing the variety of churches you have, and how clearly God is moving in and through you.
I loved being able to go on house visits and be able to meet and encourage the Church here.
I loved meeting Christina and Xenette and hearing how God is already stirring in their hearts.
I loved not having service or connection here so I could be more present and more aware.
I loved being able to see fruit from seeds other racers and other missionaries have planted years and years back.
Hmarkhawlien, I am so thankful for my time with you. But I can’t help but thank the Lord for changing my mindset about you. I had to fight to love you, but God moved and worked in powerful and beautiful, gentle and confusing ways. He gave me his eyes for your people and your beauty.
Hmarkhawlien you a place where I wrestled with the Lord more than I ever have. A place where I was reveled deeper dreams and passions within my heart. You are a place where I was again reminded that God’s plans and God’s ways are exponentially better than my own. You are a place where I learned new levels of growth and obedience from the Lord. You are a home I had to fight to love. You are a place that was hard to leave.
Thank you for all the curry, tea, and biscuits. Thank you for the hospitality and generosity. Thank you for all the relationships and growth. Thank you for all the experiences and opportunities. Thank you Hmarkhawlien.
