In my last blog, I mentioned how God had been providing funds and donations for my trip through nothing but prayer. I briefly mentioned how I had stopped actively fundraising and began praying bold prayers. If you haven’t already, read my last blog first and then come back and read this one!
I just wanted to take a few minutes to write more about why I had to take a step back from fundraising. I’m sure some people read that and think I’m just lazy, but fundraising had kind of turned me into a Negative Nancy.
You see, I’m a person who honestly doesn’t have much patience and I’m a big picture kind of person. That means, I would have LOVED to have raised my $18,000 in 2 days (or maybe 2 hours…or minutes…maybe even seconds?). But like a few of my amazing teammates have reminded me, that wouldn’t have grown me in my faith. That also goes along with me being a big picture person. I know ultimately I have to raise $18,000, so when I raised my first $1,000 all I could think about was how I still had to raise $17,000 more. I was looking at life from the half glass empty perspective. I’ve talked all about this in past blogs, but hopefully you can see how this type of thinking can really start bringing you down.
Fundraising should be a joyous time! It should be a time where I’m fellowshipping with other believers and growing closer in my walk with Christ. It’s a time where He can reveal Himself more to me and I can share the amazing ways He’s provided.
Sadly, it wasn’t that way for me from around August through February. That’s 7 whole months. During that time, I was doing all sorts of fundraisers, and it was bringing in a decent amount of money. However, I constantly felt like I wasn’t doing enough because it wasn’t bringing in the amount I thought it should be. I felt this way because I was giving myself all of the glory and all of the grief. When I raised a lot one month, it was all me, because I set up the fundraiser and I got the word out. When I didn’t raise a lot, I didn’t do enough, I was doing something wrong. This mindset was killing me!!!!
Let’s go back a little bit. I have known since my sophomore year of college (3 years) that one day God was going to call me to do the world race. Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure. Maybe God didn’t want me to go? Maybe I misunderstood Him. Maybe the lack of funds was His way of telling me He was closing this door? Nothing made sense and I felt lost. Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking this is extremely dramatic, but remember how I told you I was a big picture person? Well, that goes for my life as well. I like to plan. I like to at least think I have a plan in place for my life. (I currently have the next 5 years loosely planned out in my head. I’m not kidding, ask my mom.) So, being the planner that I am, imagine how confused I was when it felt like God might be wrecking them all. I knew deep down, the world race was my calling and it had been my calling for a while, that’s why I added it to my 5 year plan.
I know the world race sounds super cool and exciting – and it is! – but, it’s not an easy thing to drop everything and leave all your well made plans behind for 11 months. In case you haven’t heard, I just graduated from college with my B.S. degree in Early Childhood Education, with an add on of Elementary Education (woohoo!). I want to be a teacher. I would love to have a job all lined up, buying stuff for my classroom, and preparing for my future students! But God had called me to sacrifice to self for 11 months, and I believe I will be a better teacher for it in the end.
Okay, now back to the point (I write the same way I tell stories. All over the place. Stories within stories. I am my father’s daughter). Like I was saying, I had been feeling down because I was doing the fundraising and I honestly wasn’t leaving any room for God to step in and help a sister out. Then, one day a squamate of mine challenged us all to pray for specific numbers in fundraising and watch God provide in amazing ways. I had reached a point where I 100% knew God was telling me “Look, you can keep doing this on your own, but it’s not going to go very far. Why don’t you take a step back and let me work my magic.” That lack of funds coming in wasn’t me not putting in enough effort, it was God trying to get me to stop looking in the mirror and turn to Him! And so I did. Like I told you in my last blog, God sent me $1,000 in 3 days after praying for $1,000. He hasn’t stopped providing since. And I haven’t done a single thing except pray and give it all to God!
I had to take a step back from “actively” fundraising (doing fundraisers) because I wasn’t giving God any of the glory. I had to literally sit back and do absolutely nothing for God to show me how he works and how He wants to provide for me. Now that my head is screwed on straight, I think I’m ready to start back some fundraisers. He has grown me so much in my faith these past few months, I can only imagine what will happen over the next 11 months starting in August.
It’s kind of pathetic looking back now and seeing how long it took me to see what God was trying to teach me. But, man! The amount I’ve grown these past three months is so amazing. I encourage everyone to take a step back from time to time and give it to God. You never know what He’s trying to show/teach you.
Also, I wanted to post a screenshot of my fundraising totals by month, so you can actually see how much He has been moving in my life. LOOK AT HOW HE WORKS! Also, this total doesn’t include the cash I have been given! He is so, so good. Sometimes you have to completely give it all to God so he can reveal himself to you.
Sorry if this blog was long and all over the place. I had a lot that I wanted to say but sometimes I don’t know how to put it all out there in an organized way, so this is my best effort. 🙂
