I don’t even know how to start this blog. I’ve already written a blog, or two, or three about how I’ve been struggling with doubt. More now than ever, to be honest. Every time I think I’ve overcome the struggle, it seems to creep back up and become more powerful than it was before. Fundraising is something that is supposed to be joyous and a time to grow us closer in my walk with Christ. But that is SO MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE! So, so much easier.
I do find joy in it here and there and God has provided is seriously amazing ways. He has provided through people I haven’t talk to in years, people I’ve never even met, and people I talk to regularly. It has been amazing to see how he does provide and it’s usually at my lowest points. Even with all that said, this process of fundraising has brought me closer to Christ – because all I can do is lean on him. However, I am still very much still on the struggle bus with doubt.
I keep thinking if I keep trusting in Him all the money will come in. Don’t get me wrong, I still 100% believe this, but I’m impatient and I want it to come in faster than it is. I leave in 4 months and I still have $14,000 to raise. That gives me so much anxiety! And to make things even better, it makes me the perfect target for the enemy. The money isn’t coming in as fast as I feel like it should be, so good ole Satan slips thoughts into my head like, “Maybe you’re not supposed to go” or “Obviously this is God closing this door” or “You better start looking for a teaching job, because this trip isn’t what God wants for you” or “Nobody wants to support you so stop asking” or “Everyone hates all your FB posts about fundraising, no ones cares.”
And let me tell you, it is SO easy to listen to those lies. And even now I’m thinking to myself: ultimately who knows, maybe God doesn’t want me to go…maybe there is something else in store for me. Only He knows. (Which isn’t necessarily a bad thought..)
BUT THEN (literally 5 minutes ago) I came across this quote from, in my humble opinion, one of the best humans on this earth, Bob Goff. Here’s his quote:
“But I’ve always wondered if, when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in out hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him. Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down. Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in.”
I mean, can we get an “AMEN!” for Bob Goff?
I love traveling. I love experiencing other cultures. I love getting to know people. I love getting to go to another country and being slapped in the face with the realization that there are real people with real stories and problems outside of me and what I know. I love getting to love on people with nothing other than the love of Christ. I love adventure.
God has put this desire to serve him for 11 months in my heart and He’s put that desire there for a reason. And it’s been there for over 2 years! I’m trusting that God hasn’t closed this door for me to just give up and turn around.
So this is me saying I’m here to kick down some doors or, if necessary, spend the next 4 months patiently sitting outside the door waiting for God to provide the means to open it.
Side note, if you like this quote go and google “Bob Goff quotes” and read some more. I guarantee you’ll become just as obsessed with him as I am. Then go read his book “Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World” it will change your perspective on almost everything. And if you like that book, his next book is coming out in April, “Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World of Setbacks and Difficult People.” Now I feel like I should say this isn’t a paid promotion hahaha I’m just obsessed with him and how simple he makes the Gospel.
