“I don’t have a testimony.” This is a thought I’ve struggled with ever since I learned what a Christian testimony was. I think it’s a lie a lot of people who grew up in the church can relate to. There’s this belief that you have to have a big, dramatic testimony where you overcome some HUGE obstacle in order to share it. At least that’s what I’ve always believed. And it’s a lie.
The truth is, your testimony is your testimony and IT MATTERS. Maybe you were blessed to grow up in a Christian household and have always known who Jesus is. Maybe you can’t even pinpoint the moment you became a Christian. Maybe you went through something horrible, lost your way, and God brought you back. Your testimony could be a number of things. No matter how small or insignificant YOU may think your testimony is, God can use it in BIG ways.
Now, for the first time ever, I’m going to publicly share my testimony. Here it goes.
My testimony is kind of everywhere, so bare with me.
I was blessed to grow up a home with parents who loved and served the Lord. They still do. I’ve always known who Jesus was and for the longest time I could never pinpoint the specific moment where I came to know Jesus personally. It wasn’t until training camp when I realized I didn’t know Jesus personally, at least not the way He wants us to know Him.
One morning at training camp (back in June), I woke up and felt convicted about my relationship with Christ, or lack there of rather. I knew our relationship felt shallow, on my side, obviously. I spent the morning praying about it and asking God what I was supposed to do to go deeper. Then at morning worship one of our alumni squad leaders, Carson, came up to me and told me she had been praying for me and got the word depth. She also saw this image of me sitting with the Father at the base of a big tree digging. She said it might be hard at times, but I needed to keep digging and going deeper with the Father.
How cool is that? The same morning God was working in my heart and pushing me more towards Him, He spoke to someone else to confirm what I was feeling. So then I began to tear up and I asked God, “What next? I want to go deeper but I don’t know how or what that looks like.” Next, THE COOLEST STINKING THING HAPPENED. God spoke to me! His thoughts literally became my thoughts. He told me: “All the walls you’ve built up to protect yourself and keep others out are keeping me out too.”
I proceeded to cry for literally the rest of worship and our morning session which was like two hours. HA! It was so incredibly overwhelming to hear the voice of God. I can’t explain it. I was just completely overtaken with emotion.
You might be wondering “What walls did you have built up?” That will have to be another blog, maybe my next one, otherwise this will be the world’s longest blog.
After God spoke to me, in the time between launch and training camp I was going deeper. I started to change my prayer vocabulary. Instead of saying “Dear God,” I changed it to “Hey God!” I didn’t want to feel like I was sending off a letter to Santa who I may or may not hear back from. I wanted to talk to God and not only want a response, but expect one. God wants to talk to us, believe it or not, most of us just don’t take the time to listen, myself included.
Over the last week the Lord has shown me a lot. Including why my relationship had felt so shallow pre-training camp. He revealed to me that I had been basing my relationship with Christ on me doing the right things. I knew works wouldn’t save me, I’ve grown up hearing that in church. Over time, however, without me even knowing it, I started to base my relationship with Christ on me doing the right things and not doing the wrong things. That was our entire relationship.
Now, I’m still figuring out what a truly personal relationship with Christ looks like and I’m so glad to have a year devoted to seeking and serving the Lord to figure it all out…or at least as much as possible. So, that’s me. Super vulnerable and open. I don’t have it all figured out and I’m so far from having it all figured out, but I’m thankful for a God that chooses me daily even when I fail to choose Him.
If you can relate to my testimony or have questions about how to have a personal relationship with Christ, feel free to reach out! I would love to talk about it! I’ve known Jesus my whole life, but my whole life has changed over the last few months since coming to truly know Him personally.
I would also love to challenge you to take a look at your relationship with Christ. What is is based on? It shouldn’t be based on anything except the grace and love of God. We can’t do anything to earn God’s love. That’s why He sent Jesus. So, no pressure, but take a look and I challenge you to GO DEEPER!
As always, I invite you to make my journey, your journey. Here are four simple ways:
- Most importantly, PRAY.
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