“in·dig·nant (
adjective)
feeling or showing anger or annoyance at what is perceived as unfair treatment.”
I have always been really good at becoming indignant when things do not go my way. I just did it again recently too! I have been busy writing thank you cards and addressing envelopes to send out the t-shirts as they arrive here. The day that they were “delivered” I received a note in my box telling me that UPS doesn’t ship to PO boxes and they requested that I drive 1.5 hrs away to pick up the shirts. After working five 10.5 hr shifts, I knew it was impossible to make it to their office during business hours let alone drive three hours for something that should have been delivered. When I called them, things got ugly. They wouldn’t accept the Post Office’s physical address, they finally agreed to send it to my co-worker’s apartment but only if she were there to sign for it (as if she could stay home all day from work to wait for them), and they refused to ship it on a day she had off work to receive/sign for it. I ended up so angry that I was crying on the phone saying, “What do you recommend I do? I don’t have any options?”. I didn’t understand why things had to be so complicated.
Then I thought about it. Imagine how little is going to go my way over the 11 months of my mission. Buses not arriving on schedule, border-control ripping apart my bags, pushy vendors assuming that because I am American then I am rich, having a seat taken on public transit, seeing the impoverished and not being able to “prove” that their creator loves them.
So, I realize at the moment that I need to lose this trait of mine. It is unbecoming of a daughter of the Most High, who needs to not only trust her Father for provision, but also look like Him.
I used to be afraid to lose myself by becoming Christ-like. It is silly really, but I didn’t want to be a “Christian Robot” and lose what makes me special…what makes me “me”. However, I am seeing that the more qualities that I see in myself that reflect God, the more I like who I am becoming. I do not have to sacrifice my quirky environmental side, or the fact that I love to eat icecream, watch action movies, and knit. I can be me while still being transformed into a good reflection of the Father’s love. I am so thankful to see Him moving in me, growing me in patience and love while I shed the “old unbecoming self”. I see myself being less quick to complain, and perhaps even a little more patient, and less of a worrier (hopefully!). In time, I will even shed this tendency to become indignant when things don’t go my way.
