I was listening to a Regina Spektor song and the lyrics said, “I am a hero, I don’t need to be saved.”
And I realized how often I take that viewpoint. I see myself as the protagonist of my life story, moving forward in my struggle, always the victim but always the good guy (like George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life”).
And to be real, honest, and blunt. That’s selfishly, stubbornly, completely baloney. I was taking part in a virtual prayer walk with my team this morning, and I was reminded that I am more of a Gomer than a hero. Always have been, and hopefully will not always be. Like the Israelites, I forget His goodness and I wander around whining about the bad.
I get hurt, close doors, think selfish, and blame the world for what they made me.
Just think about it, these days, we blur over lines of good and bad with our gray-scale mindsets. “Frozen” and “Malafecent” are proof of the self-pity world we live in, where we prefer to see ourselves as misunderstood characters instead of villains. Something happens so we make walls…we move forward in hardness, and we even blame God. This morning, I was honest with Him. I told him, “At times I regret ever putting my hand on the plow…I just want to look back so bad, without the fear of disapproval.”
But really, what do you do when you see you heart begin to harden? And what do you do if you are not sure you care to stop it?
So here I am at a crossroads. I can give up, blame the people around me, watch my heart become stone, regret the choice to follow a call, and just get through the days.
Or I can admit, that I, hero or Gomer, do need saving, again….
For Personal Blog: http://carolinesadventuresinlife.blogspot.com/
