Today, as I was sitting at my desk at work the song "Look and See" by Michael Bleecker came on my iPod. I have heard this song a million times and really like it.
Today it was different.
When my Michael Bleecker sang the word redeemed, my stomach felt sick. The kind of sick where you make sure a trash can is in sight just in case. I have heard this song a million times, why would I react this way to that word?
You see lately, I haven't really felt worthy of being redeemed.
Ever since I applied to the World Race, Satan has been on the prowl like a lion, waiting to pounce. I have fallen into every trap, snare, and hole he has created, losing every battle I have faced. I have done things, said things, and thought things that have left me empty, scared, and bound.
I have cried out to Jesus with streams of tears running down my face, "Where are you!? Why is this happening to me!? This isn't supposed to happen to me!"
"Caroline, I am here. Take my hand. I am here."
He keeps saying that to me, I am here. I didn't understand.
Today, I finally grabbed His hand.
Today, I finally understand.
I have been living my life as a victim, a convict, a slave to the lies that I have believed. In this transition from college graduate to world missionary, I have let Satan rule life and tell me who I am. He has crushed my body, devoured my soul, and left me in the sea of despair.
But Jesus was always there.
He felt all my guilt and shame. He cried every tear. He heard every yell.
I was left out in the sea of despair waiting to drown, Jesus was calling my name.
Beloved. Princess. Redeemed.
And as the darkness was swallowing me whole, I saw a place of refuge. A light upon a cliff.
"He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock and my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Ps. 62:6-8
Today I say to you, to Satan, and to the REEDEMER.
I am no longer a victim, a convict, bound by the patterns of this world. I will no longer believe the lies of the evil one. Satan has no power over me.
For I am God's chosen, His Beloved. I am God's heir, His Princess. I am God's redeemed. He has clothed me in robes of righteousness. He has bestowed upon me a crown of glory. And when His kingdom comes, We will reign with Him forever and ever.
Amen.
