Everyone has those moments in life. Some are tragic and heart wrenching, others are adventurous and exhilarating. They are the moments that forever change your course of life and faith. Here I am, less than 24 hours away from experiencing that very moment. As I step on the plane tomorrow morning at 6 am and head to Fort Lauderdale, I know that life will never be the same. It will mark the beginning of a defining year in life from which everything as I know it will change.
How do I feel on the brink of such a life-altering transformation? I am so ready – and yet not at all. Last night I was lying in bed praying to the Lord and said, “Lord, it’s hard to leave behind home and all that goes with it.” And then it hit me – it would be even harder for me not to go. Isn’t it ironic how I can see my choosing to leave as the harder decision of the two and yet ultimatelyhow much harder it would be to stay knowing I would be missing out on this upcoming year and all it holds.
I walk into this year having been pressed and challenged by the Lord with the question Jesus asked Peter: “Will you really lay down your life for me?” As I am about to jump off into the deep end, the question’s presence is strong and stubbornly will not back away. Will I truly lay down it all this year? I believe He means everything from my hopes, dream, plans and expectations for how God will move, the ways I will be changed, and the course of the year – to even such tangible things as my backpack and all I will carry with me. He is calling me to lay it down now. My prayer is that I may claim them all as His and lay them at His feet. They are all for His choosing how to give and take away.
Ultimately, my prayer is truly that the Lord’s name would be known. This journey is not about me and my transformation and my plans. It is about the work our Holy God will do in the lives of the people we meet and in my own life. It is all about Him – His plans, His purposes, His name. And so my prayers is this: “Not to us, Oh Lord, Not to us,But to Your Name be the Glory!!” (Psalm 115:1). May I become nothing that He be everything this year. May my name be forgotten, that His name may be known throughout all the ends of the earth. And May my dreams and plans for this year fall away, that His purposes will come to be.
Here we go. I’m jumping off the deep end, engulfed in His grace and ready to leave it all to be in the ultimate pursuit of Jesus. No doubt this year will be painfully glorious and I am ready for all of it.
May Thy kingdom come and Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
