Dear Sister,
They told us we needed to write another blog, specifically before we go, about how we’re feeling right now. I honestly can’t decide if I’m feeling a million emotions or none at all. You know how I haven’t felt any butterflies for the past several months? Not since the application, not since acceptance to the race, not even at training camp. But over the past few days, there have been some flutters, maybe more than some.
For any of you who don’t know, I have a tendency to jump headfirst into something new without thoroughly checking it out and now I’ve finally gotten around to asking myself what the heck I’ve gotten myself into.
Great timing, right?
More emotions; today we had to practice the art of healthy confrontation, calling each other higher by giving them honest feedback and allowing our teammates to do the same for us. I don’t like confrontation, giving or receiving, and naturally when the sister next to me turned to me to give me feedback, she was dead on in her assessment of my behavior.
Even though God has been releasing me from several things, (see some of my other blogs), I still with the fear of man and craving acceptance from, well, everybody. I hadn’t really been thinking about all that at the time though, so when this sister turned to me and said, “I feel like you keep waiting for our acceptance and appreciation, but you don’t need to because you already have it,” that messed me up.
I thought I’d been doing better at not needing everyone’s stamp of approval. Maybe I have been, but it made me realize that I have a lot more milage to cover.
Physically, I’m tired and we’re supposed to leave the hotel at 2 a. m. tomorrow morning for the airport.
But in spite of all of that running around my head and getting together with all of the last minute reminders not to be stupid and to be at the best level of me and wholly dependent on God the whole time, there are some positive emotions as well.
And yet I’m so excited to see what God is going to do in Guatemala. I’m pumped to see how God works through me, through my team, through my squad. I can’t wait to get a taste of their culture and way of life. I’m going to have the privilege of seeing God in action because I’m going to be looking for it and praying for opportunities to partner in that with him. I get to see the beautiful people he created and serve with some of his most faithful servants.
There are so many opportunities that are just waiting for me; a great wide world just waiting for me to explore it. I think the hardest part is being here in this in between time. It’s going to happen and it’s a big deal that’s coming on quickly, it just isn’t here yet. Just T-ten hours though!
Much love,
Carole
