“All that matters is what I think. And I think that you are pretty special.”
– Max Lucado
Wow, this week. This week has been full of blessings, fun, heartache, fighting, and rich love. I know I’ll be learning and loving God for the rest of my life, that this journey doesn’t end when I get off the field in three weeks, but it’s still kind of crazy for me to think about how much I’ve learned in Month 11. And it’s only been a week.
Rolling into our last month, staying with Kids International Ministry (KIM) has been such a sweet, sweet time of rest and work. Their Manila (actually a little outside of Manila) base is run by an amazing Texan couple named Norm and Tina and are currently joined by their daughter and her family. With the help of them and a lot of staff, they tackle the challenge of running and maintaining feeding programs, a pregnancy clinic, a children’s home, a school for up to tenth grade, and the multiple teams that come through to help them. These teams can look like anything from a family wanting to do a service trip or introduce their kids to ministry to a World Race team coming in hot for their last month and willing to do it right. Trust me when I say; they’re superstars.
Norm and Tina told us day one that the teams they host are a big part of the reason they can run the base because while they do have a solid staff of Filipino workers, there’s always more to be done. So while we are enjoying the benefits of a great pool with both a wicked slide and a high dive that would never pass safety inspections in the States, not to mention the five star cooking we get to eat three meals a day, we are helping with the kids in the Children’s home, going to feedings, playing with the kids there, helping out with devos wherever they’re needed, and doing odd jobs around the property. Oh and getting massages. Because when someone can help feed their family with the six dollars you pay them for an hour of a full-body massage, you remind yourself that it’s probably the sweetest kind of ministry and you do it. And after that you tell all your friends because your body has never felt so good, possibly ever. And it’s still ministry.
So that’s kind of a glimpse at what our first week looked like. And of the days that particularly stood out to me, yesterday was truly amazing.
It started with a feeding. Well, not even. It started with a van to the metro, riding said metro to the end of the line and then three consecutive rides on our current mode of public transportation known as “jeepnees.”
We met up with a local pastor who led us through one of the slums in the area, inside one of them to the tiny room that served as a church. In a matter of minutes the space was jam-packed with children of all ages, looking for love, attention, entertainment, or just food. Some of my squad mates led them through a short series of exercises to get everyone warmed up and then another told the story of Joshua and the walls of Jericho as more of us and every child in the room helped follow the Lord’s instructions to make the walls fall down.
Side note, we’ve grown so much. We came in expecting to do a feeding, having no idea that more would be asked of us and yet there wasn’t hesitation when the pastor asked us if we could do a skit. I love seeing the little and big ways that show once again how far we’ve come from Guatemala. I can only imagine what our reaction would have been if we’d been asked to do something like that back then.
Anyway, for the majority of that time I was holding a very small child who immensely enjoyed gnawing on my finger with her toothless gums and learning tricks to keep small humans happy like, “hold her up to the fan, it’s really hot in here.” For anyone who was wondering, my teammate Jess is going to be a great mom someday.
When her older sister decided it was time to reclaim her small charge, I ended up talking to a twelve year old named Irsa . . . or at least I think that was her name, I can’t remember anymore. But I can tell you she made me smile, that she just wanted to talk to me, to show me her brothers and sisters and to ask me about mine. And because I felt that small tug on my heart, I had the opportunity to give her a bracelet from my own collection. I can’t tell you how thrilled she was to receive it. It was just a normal sized bracelet, but her wrist was so thin, it looked like it might fall off at any time. I told her she could also wear it around her ankle. She showed her sister and kept thanking me and staying close to my side even though we were getting ready to leave.
After that we were informed we were going to climb a mountain to get to the next place.
Which we also didn’t know.
Maybe I have to retract my former statement because there was a little more panic in some of our eyes, like, “climb a mountain? I’m wearing flip flops!”
But as it turns out it was more of a hill named Smokey Mountain. It was once a trash dump that would be set on fire from time to time to reduce it as is customary in most of the world; at least that’s what I’ve found on my travels. Today there are green things growing out of it including corn on the top, but it is still made of trash. We went up the “mountain” to do our second feeding at another tiny, one room church that our pastor knew.
Here there were people waiting for us, so excited to greet us and welcome us. I got to hold a tiny kiddo named Alvin who wouldn’t let his three-wheeled sports car toy out of his grip. A different twelve year old gave me some grief for not being in a relationship. Because I mean what twenty four year old doesn’t have a boyfriend and three kids, right? When I turned the question back around on her, she nearly jumped back in disgust, saying, “no!” Followed quickly by good impression of her puking. Man, she made me laugh. Then she said told me on no uncertain terms, “study first!”
Well, there you have it from the mouth of a twelve year old Filipino: study first.
After that I had a beautiful time talking to a twenty year old. Whose name I’ve also forgotten. Cue eye roll at myself. But she was so sweet. We exchanged testimonies and talked about God and our families, my adventures and her ambitions. By the end of the conversation she told me that I’d encouraged her; she also wants to be a missionary, to Africa, if I had to guess. I’m excited to see what she’ll do in the future.
Three connections in the space of a day, three conversations, three small, but not weak bonds formed. How do I describe the hundreds of instances like this that I’ve had on the Race? One dance with a child. One smile shared. A moment of joined laughter. All these little things tug at my heart. I know I only met them once, but I’ll miss them.
And maybe, just maybe, one day I’ll see them again, whether on this earth or the next.
In other news and on a more personal level, I have had to rehash the issue of acceptance. Who’s acceptance am I striving for? Does God make me strive for his acceptance? And if not, why does it feel like it’s not enough?
So I’ve been praying not only that God allow me to use his strength because I don’t have the energy to do all the things my heart yearns to do for this ministry and this people, but I’m also praying for his acceptance for me, his voice that says, “you’re enough because I say you’re enough,” becomes the only voice I care about.
But I still have to remind myself that just because that is true, God’s acceptance is the only acceptance I need, doesn’t negate my need for community. And the lies that try to creep back in, the ones that say, “they don’t need or want you anyway, you can do it by yourself,” are captured and turned over to my Father. Because it is an old lie and praise God, now I can recognize it.
And God is so sweet to me as I continue on this Month 11 learning curve. He keeps reminding me that he’s a gentleman, but sometimes he’s a stealthy gentleman.
This past week I’ve been doing a lot of processing, trying to come to terms with everything that comes in the “home” box and what it means to come off the Race and what comes after, not to mention everything he wants to teach me this month in our time still here.
So one morning I decided to take off to do some resting and continued processing with the Lord. It was intended to be a day off for us, but because we only have a short time here, most people decided to help out anyway.
All that to say, for the first time in ages, I actually tried to take a nap, but because as soon as I lay down my brain starts running a mile a minute if there’s light outside, I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep. But I wanted to try because I’d been waking up super tired the past few days.
So then God comes to sit on my bed with me says, “do you want me to tell you a story?”
Well, I’m pretty sure the only correct answer to that is yes.
So he started telling me the story by Max Lucado called “You Are Special,” because he knows it’s one of my favorites. If you haven’t read it, I would 10/10 recommend it. If you have read it, I would 10/10 recommend you read it again.
It’s a story about a little guy who is rejected by everyone around him and has to learn that only his maker’s opinion about him truly matters.
W.O.W.
Maybe because it’s a story I already knew or maybe because I was so tired, I didn’t notice that the theme of the story is exactly what I’m dealing with right now. He totally bamboozled me.
How ridiculous.
How sweet and perfectly perfect. Exactly what I needed.
God loves to give his children good gifts. And I keep forgetting that until they smack me in the face. And it still feels like a face full of cake, like God is starting a food fight and I’m totally unaware of it until the entirety of desert rocks me back in my seat.
So funny. So good. So typically God.
Anyway, I think that’s about all I have to share with you right now. We have another week here at KIM before we head to the Rice Fields for a week, then back to KIM for Final Debrief, then back home we go.
Oh also, I just found a new single by Hunter Hayes, one of my all time favorite artists called “Dear God.” Listening to it was like a sucker punch to the gut in the best way possible. Most of what he’s writing about details the struggles I’ve faced this past year, articulated with a beautiful, honest, raw heart. Wow. Again, you should check it out.
Love,
TL
P.S. I tried to create links to a reading of the book and the song if you’re interested in checking those out. I think you just have to click on the titles to go to that page, but I’ve never done this before so if you decide to try it and it doesn’t work, please let me know. 😀
