A selfie is a moment in time that a human chooses to capture because in that moment they feel worthy, accepted and beautiful. A selfie usually is taken with the front facing camera on many smart phones, the chin tends to be tilted (differently than a school photo but similar), the arm is extended and many choose to rotate around to find the perfect lighting that reflects on all their favorite features. Sometimes, selfies contain other people, many times however it’s just you your self.
Some selfie genuises of our time… Include Kim Kardashain and with the help of snapchat half the rest of the world!!
I guess I had never realized how much I struggled with my “selfie” or self-image until I was thrown into training camp… Fresh out of a week in the hot Puerto Rican sun, a week of quick “military showers”, legs that hadn’t been shaved in a while and that awful aroma of travel on me (if you have no idea what I’m talking about just picture musty). No makeup. No hair products. No first world vices to change my image. And in that moment I did not want to take a selfie!
Training camp was such a blessing in so many ways and I’m sure y’all are wanting to read the nitty-gritty details (especially if you are a future racer) however, I’m not here to give you the day to day run down because the fun of training camp is being in the moment and not worrying about the next activity to come. I want to give you an over view of the many things I learned but there’s not enough time for that…
So, here I stand the biggest learning curve I had, self-image…
There were many activities that stretched me to the max and made me rely on my team but most importantly God! Gap A squad is made up of an amazing group of God lovers and every single person has a mighty story to share… Through out the week we had many opportunities to discover the hearts of our squad members one-on-one but the times I cherish the most are the times we spent together as a squad!!
I believe one of my biggest fears going in to training camp was wondering if I could physically handle it… I would love to be able to state that I was physically fit enough to do everything that the Adventures in Missions staff asked me to do, with ease and great success but that is far from the truth. One our first full day of training camp we woke-up, strapped on our packs and went for a hike. The first few minutes were easy… we were going down hill… then as we began to travel up hill, my brain with some help from the enemy began to tell me this, “You can’t do this! You aren’t capable, heck are you even worthy enough to finish this hike? Probably not. You should just give up now!!” But I completed the hike. How? By the grace of God and encouragement of my squad.
Fast forward a few days to “Girl-Bonding-Time”! Our first exercise was a plane crash, where our group of about 6 of us had to hike a decent distance both up and down hill with different ailments… Broken leg, blind, unconscious-ness, no arms, the inability to talk, and an infectious disease in which you could no longer touch anyone. This was a challenge but one that I quickly began to enjoy (I love to help people)!! Thinking we were done I was very proud of our team and was ready to talk it out. We were quickly told we were not done bonding, as we were strung together. Our next activity was a workout done while being tied together… The rules were you must do it together or you start over… the workout was made up of 100 squats, followed by push-up planks. A push-up plank was were the first person in line would do one push while everyone held a plank, then the next person would do one until everyone had done one push-up. Then it started again where the first person in line did two this time, etc. until everyone had gotten up to ten. For a grand-total of 55 push-ups. Who knows when in this process but suddenly everything began to shake, the world started going in and out of focus and all I could think was, “Don’t give up because then everyone else will have to start over!” When suddenly I heard our squad leader JM say,”Carmen, are you alright?”
“Yeah,” I lied.
“Let me know if you want to switch…” At this point I’m looking at her probably with surprise in my eyes and utter pain on my face.
“Are you sure?” I nearly plead.
“I am here for you…” We ended up switching and as I drank water and tried to gain control of whatever it was that was taking me over, I continued to encourage my sisters.
The next exercise 50 (maybe it was 100) sit-ups,which I switched off with JM and one of my other squadmates until I literally could not move anymore… which is when I began to realize how amazing our women are on our squad, as they offered to up the amount of sit-ups they had to do so that I may be able to hmmm, I don’t know, I’m gonna say not die. But the way in which they took on more was not in a sense of disappointment, anger, disgust or hate but rather a place of love, understanding and encouragement. I joined them for the last exercise of lunge jumps or something like that (left leg lunge, right leg lunge, jump forward) 35 of those! We finished off our workout and then debriefed where I continued to find love in these ladies.
BUT here’s where my selfie changed the night that we were sleeping in community tents…
As our squad decided to worship with each-other under the stars (an activity that we had done before and some how seamlessly incorporated in to our life). We began a discusion of the experience one of our girls had had with the Holy Spirit, where the darkness of a lie had been relinquished, where insecurity and fear had been told they had no place in her. As I began to get a little chocked up another girl announced how her insecurities had been disappearing too. That’s when one of our men, Alex, suggested we pray for our dear sisters… we gathered around them with hands held high to the heavens and he began… “Dear God, Help these beautiful women to know their worth and to see how truly beautiful they are…” I felt something inside me totally collapse and I had tears I could no longer hold inside. My legs began to feel like they would no longer hold me so in hopes of not falling I bent forward (kind of hoping no one would notice my breakdown)… he continued praying that we would be able to get rid of the lies that have invaided and filled our minds and that we would be reminded of how beautiful each and everyone of us are. Now, I don’t think I have ever been more excited to hear “AMEN” in my life, because with the word “amen” I collapsed on the floor… sobbing but trying to keep it all together… As I sat there one of my other sisters shared her story and of course that makes me cry harder… then I hear it “CARMEN, I THINK YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL” and as more people chime in to agree… I feel FREE for the first time ever!! <I also feel a little guilty, as if I robbed their moment away from them>. Now with freedom came more tears and as everyone stood to continue singing, I couldn’t convince my feet to stand up and that’s when I felt hands begin to touch me, hands that brought warmth, love, judgement-free, understanding and in a sense hands that brought confidence. I stood still crying but this time tears of joy… I felt people come and wrap their arms around me in support and more love… And I sang like I had never sung before because, I was reminded that CHRIST is so much bigger than my past, He is bigger than the lies the enemy has placed on me, bigger than the crud that tries to stop me, and HE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ON THIS EARTH WILL EVER BE!
So now what you were waiting for how to master your selfie…
S -seek Christ. Go run in to his arms and ask him to fill you agian.
E- eliminate the lies that society has put on you since the day you were born.
L- lay your life at the foot of the cross… Lay down your opinion of yourself and remember that Christ made you in his image… Lay your insecurities down!
F- free yourself from self-hatred. Remember, that the one who made you calls you His. Why should you care what others think you are.
I- intention. Be intentional about continually valuing yourself.
E- exclaim! Shout to praise to Him!! Shout out to the heavens that you are free and you are made in HIS IMAGE! That you are beautiful/ handsome and that there is no way that anyone could ever change that!!!!
Keep taking those selfies my dear supporters. Keep your head high, shoulders back and smile!
“You are altogether BEAUTIFUL my love; there is NO FLAW in you.” Song of Solomon 4:7
