“No, I am not beautiful. I have black skin”
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this phrase as I have traveled through Southeast Asia on this journey. My first encounter being India, where a lot of the women in the outcaste community we served in believed they were outcaste because of their darker skin. Secondly in Nepal, where everywhere we turned in supermarkets we were bombarded by whitening creams and bleaches for your skin. In Thailand I watched a young girl hoe a field for hours, in a long sleeved jacket in 90 plus degree weather. Her parents had sent her the jacket and told her to wear it ALWAYS in the sun so she wouldn’t get any darker, and the list goes on and on.
Every country we have encountered so far has had serious issues with skin color. Serious. Imagine the attention and stares I create as I walk through the streets with chocolate skin, and huge hair. Im not exactly a walking example of beauty here for their standards (although many people find my differences from everyone else in Asia beautiful).So yes it has been a struggle for me, a hard one. Every time I have heard my ministry contacts or others rave about the whiteness of my Caucasian teammates skin, and how beautiful it is a small knife jabs my heart. I know they don’t mean me harm, but I am not sure they are aware of the message that sends to me on the WAY opposite end of the spectrum, as the only African American on my team, and only 1 of 3 on my entire squad. To be honest some of the pressure of looking so different here has made me cry and breakdown to my teammates in insecure moments.
But I can handle if its just me, if it only affects me I know I am strong enough to bare the burden, but my heart was broken last month when I saw how much it affects others…
During my time in Cambodia I got extremely close to the young girls in my class, and in-particularly one named Rasy. Rasy is honestly one of the most BEAUTIFUL 16 year old girls I have ever seen! She has personality for days, and smile that lights up the room and a selfless heart! We hung out all month, had a sleep over and talked a lot. But one thing bothered me about Rasy, she in no way believed she was beautiful. Her skin is brown, and where she comes from the standard of beauty is Fair. When I asked her if she had a boyfriend, her reply was “No, lol. Boys don’t like me, I have black skin”. I was crushed. And to be honest she didn’t respond in low selfesteem, she said it matter of factly. As if Dark being unbeautiful is a fact and not an opinion. I tried coultless ways to cast those words down, assuring her that she was beautiful, and the GOD created her special and unique. I even joked with her that if she lived in my neighborhood the boys there would love her because she has long hair and pretty skin! Her response would just be to laugh, call me more beautiful than her, and change the subject.
I was always surprise to hear her call me beautiful, my skin is darker than hers, but there was something in her that cold believe beauty for me and not for herself. When I look back at the month I wish I could have had the words, the words to really make her and all her friends believe they were beautiful, especially in the eyes of the ONE who matters most. But I didn’t, and in some ways I wonder if I failed her.
I wonder if we know how we absolutely SPIT in the face of GOD when we choose to with our mouths call one of His creations not good enough. It disguists me to hear the word ugly based on looks alone, and I know that word carries a TON of hurt. I know because I have been called ugly before. And I have had to fight almost every day as a woman to believe the opposite, and its hard. There is nothing wrong at all with having a preferance or an attraction, but that in no was make your preferance exclusive to beauty and everyone else on the outside.
We are all GODs children, from africans to asians and everyone else. He created us unique for a reason, we are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made! Until coming here I never realized how much the World still deals with racial issues. Being in the nations I have been mistaken for almost everything than what I really am. I have been called Jamaican, an aborigione, Indian, West Indie, south American, south African, Dominican, Haitian, and so much more. Not one person has looked at me and wondered if I am American until they hear my clear English, because to them American means Caucasian. It’s crazy, and yet I have to tell myself that in the grand scheme of things race doesn’t matter. That when I accepted Christ my whole identity became Him and not how I look.
It is honestly an ongoing battle I have, but I am thankful that JESUS has shown me what real beauty if over this year. It lies in the position of the heart, a mild and gently spirit in a woman, integrity and Character, grace and style. Beauty is so much more than we perceive. Seek CHRIST, read HIS WORD and allow Him to point you to the aspects of beauty that are important to possess.
To my young, (dark) sisters. You are NOT un-beautiful, or pretty for a dark girl. NO! You are so much more. Created in LOVE especially by our LORD he made you just right, and not one thing about you has to change, or should change other than your allowing Christ to mold you in HIS image and complete the work He began in you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The color of your skin is just a reflection of your roots in the earth, nothing more, nothing less. Those things do not bring Salvation or dictate the path of your life. And if life presents otherwise stand firm and know that GOD has your back. You know what they say, they blacker the berry…
Be Encouraged
My World Race sisters. Beauty comes in many different forms 🙂
