Tell Me Something I Don’t Know!

Hello, everyone! Wow. Only six months until launch!!! It’s been just over a month since I was accepted into the World Race, and…it has been difficult. Between getting my support letters out, brainstorming more fundraising ideas, and beginning to shop for gear, I’ve been busy! But while that’s been a little stressful, it hasn’t been my biggest obstacle these last few weeks. My largest obstacle has been spiritual. (Isn’t it always with these situations?)
It’s funny, because I was really worried my biggest struggle was going to be self-righteousness. I’ll be honest with you guys – I struggle with self-righteousness. Not in my outward attitude, but in my heart. It is something I must actively pray against in my life. So, naturally, I was most concerned I was going to be feeling like one heck of a saint over the next six months. But what I’ve been dealing with is the exact opposite.
Because here is the reality of the situation: I am unable to walk this out perfectly. Over the next year and a half, I am going to make plenty of mistakes. I am a sinner, and in my humanity I will never be able to do anything perfectly. I will be afraid, I will stumble, I will mess up – I have in the past, I have in the last month, and I will continue to throughout my life, even as the Lord teaches and stretches me. And yet, even with that knowledge, I have been paralyzed by fears and lies. Like, wow, friends. The enemy really doesn’t want us to go on this trip. I’ve been battling against thoughts like:

“Why would God want you to go? You’re a sinner.”
“How are you supposed to do this? You’re not capable of going on this trip.”
“You’re not good enough.”
“God isn’t going to provide for you if you can’t get your act together.”
“How are you supposed to spread the gospel? They’re all going to see right through you. You’re too messed up to go on this trip.”

Well, hot diggity dog, tell me something I don’t know, Satan!!! 
While flipping through my Bible recently, I came across a note I made in the margins beside Matthew 4:1-11, when Jesus is being tempted by the devil. I wrote, “Cut down Satan’s lies with TRUTH!” So that’s what I’m going to do, and I’ll put it in writing because I’m gettin’ real tired of this nonsense! 

“For they all wanted to frighten us, thinking, ‘Their hands will drop from the work and it will not be done.’ But now, O God, strengthen my hands.”
Nehemiah 6:9

Yes: I am a sinner. I am incapable. I am insufficient. I am desperate. As far as this “they’re going to see through you” nonsense, I hope they do! I have nothing to pretend for; I am desperate for Christ and His grace every day of my life. I’ve had too many friends say things like, “Wow, you’re going on this trip?! You’re so awesome!” No, friends. I am not. Please don’t feed my ego. I am definitively not awesome. But my God is. All the accusations against me are correct. But the claims against my Lord are blatant lies, and I will not believe them.

In 1 Timothy 1:12-17, Paul writes, “I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.” 

And in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Of course I’m a sinner, but the Lord, in His perfect wisdom, sends sinners to spread the gospel to other sinners! I am so glad I don’t have to be perfect to be a follower of Jesus!!! Paul was an enemy of the church and the Lord saved, redeemed, and spoke through him! Why? So “…Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience…” We, my fellow believers, are evidence of the Lord’s perfect patience, mercy, and grace. We have personal accounts of Christ’s work in our lives! If salvation rested on how good I am, what would the point of the gospel be at all?! I can be confident even through my failings – not boasting because I am proud of them, but because I am filled with joy over the incredible grace of my awesome God, who forgives and then equips imperfect humans to spread His good news to all the world! Thank you, Lord, that this trip does not rest on my feeble shoulders. Forgive me for letting my shame and unbelief keep me from turning my face to you.

I am a sinner, but my Lord is my righteousness and my salvation.
I am incapable, but my Lord can do all things. 
I am insufficient, but my Lord is sufficient for me.
I am desperate and weak, but my Lord is my helper, abounding in steadfast love.

“If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
    O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
    that you may be feared.”
Psalm 130:3-4

“You whom I took from the ends of the earth, 
and called from its farthest corners,
saying to you, ‘You are my servant,
I have chosen you and not cast you off’;
Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10