I came on this specific World Race route because of
India. I didn’t really understand the
ridiculous desire I had to get to India, but I had faith that it was more than
just a love of naan bread and Slumdog
Millionaire. I lumped all of the Eastern
European and African countries together in my mind – as if once you’ve been to
one, you get the general idea of the rest (disclaimer: that was incorrect). India, however, stood apart in my mind as an
incredibly rich, loud culture of diversity and color and the weird
juxtaposition of massive Western influences and ancient traditions. This is the country that is fast growing into
a cultural, industrial, technological epicenter of the world and yet there are 11
million street children and an estimated 1/3 of the world’s poor living here –
all on one subcontinent. It was going to
be chaotic and dizzying and surely heart breaking, but I could not wait to get
here – there is nowhere in the world like India.
India. I didn’t really understand the
ridiculous desire I had to get to India, but I had faith that it was more than
just a love of naan bread and Slumdog
Millionaire. I lumped all of the Eastern
European and African countries together in my mind – as if once you’ve been to
one, you get the general idea of the rest (disclaimer: that was incorrect). India, however, stood apart in my mind as an
incredibly rich, loud culture of diversity and color and the weird
juxtaposition of massive Western influences and ancient traditions. This is the country that is fast growing into
a cultural, industrial, technological epicenter of the world and yet there are 11
million street children and an estimated 1/3 of the world’s poor living here –
all on one subcontinent. It was going to
be chaotic and dizzying and surely heart breaking, but I could not wait to get
here – there is nowhere in the world like India.
I’ve been here for nearly two weeks and I’m not in
love. In fact, I’m worse than not in
love – I’m completely neutral. I’m ambivalent
to the fact that I’m in India. I’m not in love with anything, nor am I
heartbroken about the country’s conditions – I’m just here. I’m tired all of the time, I’m unmotivated to
get my to-do lists done, I’m sick of eating rice, and I’m in the middle of yet
another month of random ministry – the kind of ministry where you never really
know what you’re doing on a given day or who is in charge and nobody is quite
able to explain it to you. I feel
creatively blocked, spiritually drained, and past the point of homesick right
into a numb space where I know that I need to fight through this, but I’m out
of fight. I feel cooped up and
supervised and vaguely antisocial. I
don’t know if I need more encouragement or more discipline, more rest or more
movement. I’m tired. I am so tired.
love. In fact, I’m worse than not in
love – I’m completely neutral. I’m ambivalent
to the fact that I’m in India. I’m not in love with anything, nor am I
heartbroken about the country’s conditions – I’m just here. I’m tired all of the time, I’m unmotivated to
get my to-do lists done, I’m sick of eating rice, and I’m in the middle of yet
another month of random ministry – the kind of ministry where you never really
know what you’re doing on a given day or who is in charge and nobody is quite
able to explain it to you. I feel
creatively blocked, spiritually drained, and past the point of homesick right
into a numb space where I know that I need to fight through this, but I’m out
of fight. I feel cooped up and
supervised and vaguely antisocial. I
don’t know if I need more encouragement or more discipline, more rest or more
movement. I’m tired. I am so tired.
And yet God brought me here for a reason. God brought A-Squad to India and Team Kindle
to Bangalore for a very tender, very specific reason. We have work to do here and people to love
and things to accomplish for the Kingdom. Time and again on this Race, I’ve seen how the
Enemy wants to keep us from God’s best for us – whether by presenting options
to us that seem good enough or distracting us from God’s will by tampering with
our surroundings, he is sneaky and ruthless.
So when I put two and two together, it is equal parts infuriating and
exciting: I suddenly recognize Satan’s
sneaky attacks from all angles, which is annoying, but the sheer volume of them
means that he’s trying to distract me and my team from something
incredible. I believe that the more I have to
rely on God for joy and faith in His plan, the better that plan must be. I feel a lot of things here in India that I
didn’t expect – I’m disappointed and restless and struggling with feelings that
I don’t usually struggle with. But these
fragile places give me the opportunity to see how strong and loving my God is –
for He does not desire for His children to wallow in lies and self-doubt and
heaviness. No, His yoke is easy and His
burden is light. He invites us into a
place where we are coheirs with Christ and more
than conquerors. The fragile places are
just a front row to seat to His power and goodness.
to Bangalore for a very tender, very specific reason. We have work to do here and people to love
and things to accomplish for the Kingdom. Time and again on this Race, I’ve seen how the
Enemy wants to keep us from God’s best for us – whether by presenting options
to us that seem good enough or distracting us from God’s will by tampering with
our surroundings, he is sneaky and ruthless.
So when I put two and two together, it is equal parts infuriating and
exciting: I suddenly recognize Satan’s
sneaky attacks from all angles, which is annoying, but the sheer volume of them
means that he’s trying to distract me and my team from something
incredible. I believe that the more I have to
rely on God for joy and faith in His plan, the better that plan must be. I feel a lot of things here in India that I
didn’t expect – I’m disappointed and restless and struggling with feelings that
I don’t usually struggle with. But these
fragile places give me the opportunity to see how strong and loving my God is –
for He does not desire for His children to wallow in lies and self-doubt and
heaviness. No, His yoke is easy and His
burden is light. He invites us into a
place where we are coheirs with Christ and more
than conquerors. The fragile places are
just a front row to seat to His power and goodness.
Before I left, people often asked me which country I was
most looking forward to, and I always said “India,� without a moment’s
hesitation. “I don’t know why,� I would
add. “I just know that God is going to
show up and move in really incredible ways.�
most looking forward to, and I always said “India,� without a moment’s
hesitation. “I don’t know why,� I would
add. “I just know that God is going to
show up and move in really incredible ways.�
That is still true – in fact, it is truer than ever. I have faith that God will show up and move in really incredible ways this month, blowing
my hopes out of the water. In the
meantime, I will rest in this fragile place, confident in my knowledge of God
and His power. He has plans and dreams
bigger than mine and He loves to show off for His children. So I will choose to believe that, to say
“Thank you� for this front row seat, and to watch expectantly as He shows up
and moves in the really incredible ways that He has promised.
my hopes out of the water. In the
meantime, I will rest in this fragile place, confident in my knowledge of God
and His power. He has plans and dreams
bigger than mine and He loves to show off for His children. So I will choose to believe that, to say
“Thank you� for this front row seat, and to watch expectantly as He shows up
and moves in the really incredible ways that He has promised.
