I asked Jesus into my heart at a very young age, but I didn’t really understand what it meant to be in love with my Savior until much more recently. I grew up in a beautiful, loving Christian home; my parents informed and encouraged my faith, and my brothers and sister are some of my very best friends. My parents led me to Christ around four or five years old and they have continued to nurture my faith ever since. They have strived to set Godly examples of lives characterized by service and faith, and I will forever be grateful for their influence.
I went to a small Christian school for most of my life. I’ve always known that everyone is equal with Jesus – that a person’s works cannot save them or make them more right in the eyes of God. Still, I was in Sunday School and Bible studies and VBS and Wednesday night programs and Kid’s Choir and youth group and mission trips my entire life and I secretly loved the status that came with being “that person.” I loved being known, being involved, feeling important and impressive.
After eleven years of basing my faith on my understanding of myself, I transferred to Gull Lake, a public high school. For the first time in my life, I was not in a distinctly Christian environment surrounded by the same people who had surrounded me since kindergarten. Suddenly, I wasn't known, I wasn't involved, and I certainly didn’t feel important or impressive. God used my junior year at Gull Lake to begin breaking me of pride and a need for status, a project that He has been dedicated to ever since. That year was incredibly difficult for me, but it marked my first major step into maturity as a Christian; I truly needed to rely on Jesus every second to get through my school days.
As I grew into my faith and truly made it my own at Gull Lake, I missed the Bible classes that I had taken for granted while I was at Heritage. I applied to a number of Christian universities, but God very clearly led me to Grand Valley State University. Initially, I was not thrilled to attend GVSU, but since my second day at college, I have had complete peace and joy knowing that I was exactly where God wanted me.
During my college career at GVSU, my faith was absolutely tested and I relied on my own strength more often than I care to admit. God was endlessly faithful, though, and He constantly taught me what grace and forgiveness really mean. He gave me deep community and showed me both the blessings and the limitations thereof; He taught me about my own areas of weakness and the way that He overcomes them for His own glory; He taught me how to rely on Him and not the frailty of my own planning.
I look back on who I was four years ago, and I cannot believe the changes that God has made in my life. Since I started college, God has expanded my view of Him into something much more enormous, beautiful, and righteous than I ever could have imagined. He took my small ideas about who He is and transformed my mind so that I could begin to understand Him as a loving, jealous God who desires an actual relationship with me. More than ever, Jesus is a friend and a mystery to me, and I love knowing that I will always have more to learn about Him.
The past four years have been some of the most shaping and influential years of my life. In the times where I have felt both the closest to the Lord and the farthest, He has repeatedly brought me to Psalm 40. This passage has comforted me when I longed for something different than what I had, encouraged me when I was truly in a pit of despair, given me hope that God had a plan and would rescue me from my own shortcomings, and has become an anthem cry of “Here I am, I have come…I desire to do your will, O my God.” I love how multi-faceted and complex the entire chapter is – it covers so much, so that it truly has become a theme passage for my college career.
Another particular passage that has changed me a lot in the past year is the book of Galatians. Paul writes in Galatians 3:3-5, “Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Have you suffered so much for nothing – if it really was for nothing? Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you have heard?” While I was not raised in a legalistic religious tradition, it is still far too easy for me to fall back and make my faith about what I can do for God. I begin to focus on how much I can serve Him and how faithful I can be to Him in my own strength, which obviously leaves me exhausted, discouraged, and utterly unsuccessful. God opened my eyes to Galatians in a new way last year and as I’ve studied the letter, my understanding of faith and living for Christ has deepened and, I believe, is now better aligned to what Jesus intended for His followers. I fully realize now that the only thing that I can bring to God is need and for me to try to make my faith about me is not only unsuccessful, it is simply wrong. These verses are a constant reminder and encouragement.
As I get ready to leave the country in September, I continue to learn how to fully rely on God. In my own plans, I never envisioned myself camping and living out of a backpack for a year, however I have learned that God often takes our limited perceptions of ourselves and blows them out of the water. I feel equipped to do what He calls me to do and I have peace knowing that He will provide me the strength and love that I need to succeed.
