I sit on my bed, trying to distract myself with music, while just outside my house women, children, and men wail and scream, their agony and grief unbearable due to the day’s events. I sit up and take in my surroundings… filled with sadness I know there is nothing I can do to make the situation better. I feel helpless.
Just an hour before this, my ministry host had come to tell me that his grandson Gift, who my team had prayed for weeks ago, was going to die that same day. From our understanding, he had stomach ulcers when we prayed for him… and we wondered why he had died from something like this.
The wailing wouldn’t stop, the whole atmosphere changing after this man’s last breath.
This was heavy. This was heartbreaking. Later we found out that although the family didn’t know this, Gift had Hepatitis B which lead to an infection called cirrhosis. This increases the risk of liver cancer, and Gift had unfortunately developed cancer because of his Hepatitis.
He was 24.
A few thoughts occurred to me through this awful situation…
I have been lucky enough not to have a close family member die. But even without experiencing it firsthand I can only imagine how incredibly awful this is. Heartbreak shattered the home into a million pieces. Gift had died from what started as Hepatitis B. It was devastating to hear the news of his passing, but it was even more devastating that something that could have easily been treated in the United States defeated Gift’s chances of living.
We get the gift of life, something that is unfathomable to me… how do we deserve to live where we do, the way we do, and in the abundance that we do? We live in a society where healthcare is readily available, and we don’t have to walk to find a car to pick us up before we can drive to the nearest hospital, which is an hour away. Even the closest hospital in Malawi is not equipped with half of the resources that American hospitals are. But even in America, life is fleeting… and to truly appreciate the life you are given in EVERY situation is the ultimate challenge.
I realized that I live half my life dreaming about the future, when I have been given the present for a reason. No matter what stage or season of life I am in, I can’t help but be excited for what great adventure lies ahead. I’m like that kid on Christmas who quickly unwraps her next present before she even really appreciates the gift that’s right in front of her. I’m unwrapping life’s gifts… one season after another goes by and I don’t have time to appreciate the gift of the present that is right in front of me.
I have realized that although living life in the present is hard, I want to embrace it and love every second of it… I want to savor it to the very last drop before moving on to the next chapter of my life. Instead of anticipating the future, I want to milk the moment that I am in for what it’s worth… because I know that it is worth so much. It’s worth way more than the dreams and excitement about the future because once the present has passed, I can never go back to relive it.
I can dream all I want about college, about my job, and about my future life, or I can choose to intentionally live in the present. I know that this might be the last opportunity I get to live an experience, an adventure, a moment like this, again. And that thought alone is what keeps me fighting to stay present when what I really want to do is imagine what next year will be like, what life after the race looks like, or even what my family is eating for dinner tonight.
It’s not easy watching a man die… the death of Gift encouraged me to start appreciating the gift of life a little bit more and to start thinking about how I want to live each and every day unwrapping every gift, every moment, that life gives me, and taking my time doing it.
