This past month on the island of Roatan God did some amazing work in me. I began using the novel, Listening Prayer, as a daily devotional to press into hearing God’s voice more clearly. Little did I know just how desperate my life was craving the voice of our Creator.
During my mother’s pregnancy with me she contracted the German measles. When this happens the virus will attack the baby causing any number of sever defects. The statistic for a major defect to develop is 99%. The odds were certainly not in my favor. However, miraculously, my body created antibodies that specifically fought the measles virus. Learning that God saved my life in such a miraculous way made me start to feel as if I really needed to be something great. I mean why else would He have chosen to save my life? He obviously expected me to do amazing things.
This is where I began the cycle of not giving myself grace in nearly all situations. I would put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect and when I couldn’t measure up I’d crack. Finally, this cycle, and teh guilt of not being enough for God, drove me into a depression. From the outside most people probably thought I had it together and was a confident, happy person. Little did they know that I was falling apart inside. People who are closest to me or see me most days know that soon the pressure started to show on my face, in my attitude, and in my work. However, today was a much needed breaking point sent from God.
At the start of the month God showed me how He saw me through His eyes. It took a few hard lessons to realize that He was calling me out to walk in the greatness He created me to live. My teammates helped me to believe that grace was for me, and that I should no longer walk in the lies I’ve been believing about myself; especially the lie that I’ve not done enough with my life. This truth became so incredibly evident to me during today’s worship session.
Just before our worship time I felt a strong urge to journal. I began to thank God for all that He showed me about myself this month. I am especially thankful for the privilege of hearing God’s voice recently with such volume and confidence. In recognizing this I asked God to please grant me with the spiritual gift of prophecy. That’s when I heard Him say, “Go get ready (I was still in my pajama shorts/t-shirt). Let’s do this!” So I put on some semi-fresh clothes, grabbed my Bible and journal and sat front row ready for worship. Just two songs in God gave me an image for our squad leader, KK. So I walked over to her and shared it. She responding by saying she was just asking for someone to do this for her. During our prayer time she started to get a headache, so I prayed for the pain to leave her, and it did. Worship continued and I went back to praying for the squad. Then a squad mate came to me saying that God had spoken to him, but that God also said Carly should be the one to deliver the message to the squad. Turns out the scripture God asked me to speak over the squad was the same scripture He has asked me to read on our rest day, Wednesday.
Now I am living in an overwhelming joy. In fact I just can’t stop smiling about it! I’m so thankful that God called me to this mission. He is introducing me to amazing people, sweet children, awesome situations and divine moments with His son and Holy Spirit. Possibly it sounds as if my transformation is complete and I should just pack up and call it a mission trip, head home and go back to life. Thankfully this is not what my heart feels God has planned for me. My heart feels there is still more work to be done, more children to comfort, and more people who need to be shown His Kingdom. Please consider being a vessel for God and support me to continue on this journey.
