It’s the easiest thing to do. All it takes is booking a flight home. There have certainly been a number of things that I’ve missed in these last 7 months. I missed the birth of my cousin’s first child, saying goodbye to my Uncle Paul before he passed away, Christmas, a new group of 7th graders, football season, the smell of my mother’s clean sheets, warm showers, clean feet, deli sandwiches, Thanksgiving, celebrating an Excellent school rating, supporting friends and family in their time of need. All this and so much more have I missed since leaving in September. As we wrap up month 7 and head into a very long travel day to a new continent, new people, new traditions, new cultures, new foods; I’m asking myself can I really finish this race?
Seeing updates of life back home on Facebook or having the chance to Skype my family and friends has been helpful. Seeing comments on my blogs and receiving emails from people who let me know that I’m being prayed for and thought about is so comforting. Often I have wondered if anyone other than my parents are even reading my blogs. Am I making a difference at home? Am I making a difference here?
Then Noah shared a piece of scripture that seared deep into my heart, giving me answers to all these questions and doubts. In the Message, Romans 5:3-5 shares:
There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary–we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit.
For those who know me well, they know that patience has always been an issue for me. I like to make things happen, and I’m ok when things happen quickly. God has made me this way for a reason. It of course has its pros and cons; and in this month God has revealed to me what it is He wants me to do next. Next, as in, after the race is over. So naturally I’m ready to be in that moment and less into the moments I still have here. Then I began to consider why God would reveal these things to me with 4 months left on the race. Then it occurred to me it’s so I can relax.
Relax is not something I do well. Usually when I relax my mind is filled with guilt for all the things I’m not doing in that moment. But out here on the mission field what’s there to do other than mission work? There’s no lessons to plan, units to create, papers to grade, grades to enter, parents to call. Of course there are the same daily chores of cleaning, laundry, cooking and what not, but there are also 6 other people to help make it all happen. So God has shown me that there is in fact “a hope for my future” so stop thinking about what’s going to happen; start thinking about what He is showing me in the daily life of being a missionary.
Alert expectancy is about now, not months or years from now. Who needs to be alert for something to happen a year from now? No, it’s an expectancy for the day, for the hour, and sometimes the minute. Be on alert for how the Spirit is leading in this particular moment. Let’s be honest, choosing to go home is not as easy as booking a flight. There’s a family here to say goodbye to, there are children whose hugs have melted my heart, there are contacts who have shown me new worlds of thinking. This too would be missed.
So I sacrifice a year of missing what’s been part of my life for the last 34 years to take advantage of moments that will come only once in this lifetime.
