In my lifetime only being the age of 23 I can honestly say that I have moved over 28 time’s in my life. That’s way more than most people do in their entire lifetime. It’s been rough growing up in a financially unsteady household under a single parent. I’ve lived from house, to apartment, to living room, to hotel suite, to everything you can think of. I’ve never really been homeless except for now.
I didn’t understood why I would have to move so much. Even when I got saved I thought things would be easier since I began to pray but if anything it intensified. Once I got my calling to be a missionary it made complete sense. The things I went through were to mold me and prepare me for my calling. I was called to not be comfortable. I always desired stability but that’s not what God wanted for me. He wanted me to always rely on Him and never feel comfort in material things. He desired to be my comfort. Him and Him alone. Packing things up, losing my possessions, sleeping on my beds that weren’t necessarily a full side mattress became the norm.
Before I left to training camp I had to give up my job since I couldn’t take all that time off at once.I was also staying with a friend before camp but I had to find a new place to stay when I got back because they had family friends coming in for the summer. I decided to just go to training camp for the World Race and just leave it in God’s hands to deal with whenever camp was finished. Well, when I got back I still didn’t have a place to stay. I had family but none of them were really able to allow me to stay with them without being a burden.Money was always tight with my family. So I house hopped from friend’s house to friend’s house and even slept in my car one night. It was probably one of the most hardest moments to admit. I was homeless.
God was doing a work in me to come to place of vulnerability that I really didn’t want too. Whenever I’ve struggled with other things in the past, it was easier for me to go to someone I trusted and talk to them about it. Even with the people I trusted I never really like to tell people about my living situation because I always felt embarrassed and never wanted the pity party. It was a huge part of my pride. I put the facade of a big smile like everything was “okay” because I was good at that. Deep down though I knew things weren’t okay and on the inside I was screaming to let someone know because it just hurt to deal with this on my own.
This time around it was different. I sat in my car with all my belonging piled up to the windows and did something I should have done a lot sooner. I text two of my closest squadmates and asked them for prayer. I told them every thing. about how hard its been since being back from training camp. How I felt weary and needed someone to join me in prayer. From there it felt freeing to have someone else know I was suffering and even though these guys were hundreds of miles away I didn’t feel alone anymore. I still suffered but I had others who were with me through the suffering. I even opened up to the rest of the squad on how the funds hadn’t been coming in since I got back. Which was another thing to pile on top of the living conditions.
I had a bit of escape for a week when I left with my church to a National Fine Arts competition but God kept nudging me during that week too, revealing things to me during the various performances. At the very last day during the award ceremony my friend Alexis won the national merit award in the category of short sermon and got to perform it in front of everyone there. It spoke volumes to me and my situation. She preached about how the Lord delivers us through seasons. She talked about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and how the Lord was with them in the fiery furnace. How they were delivered completely unharmed. Now she was believing the Lord to do the same for her in the season she was facing.
Her father had stage four cancer and she believed with all her heart that The Lord could deliver her father from the diagnosis of a week to live and here’s the kicker…she said “but even if he doesn’t she still trusts God.” It was such a powerful statement that pierced my heart like an arrow. After she finished a member of the General Council joined her on stage and talked to the audience. He wanted to stop the award ceremony for a moment and do something for my friend Alexis. He wanted all of us to pray, so we did. All 20,000 of us at this national competition stopped and did what we do as a church and prayed for her cancer stricken father. It was probably one of the most Spirit led movements I’ve ever been a part of. The Heavens were being called down and the presence of God became some evident in that room. It was then that God spoke loud and clear to me.
He said “Carlos, this is where you need to be with me, a place of prayer.” God was revealing to me that I was asking too many people to donate towards my funds and not having enough people pray for my funds. God had me in that award ceremony to remind me what it feels like when you have people come together with you in your most hardest season and pray with you. I knew right there and then I had to change my approach about how I was dealing with this season I was in. I had to humble myself and ask people to pray with me for a miracle. I was discouraged, I was weary, I was doubting, but I was not alone. I only chose to be. When I got back from Nationals I began a call to prayer.
I made a video asking people to come together with me and pray over these next few weeks. To join me in prayer and believe that these funds were going to come in. I realized that I had sown a seed in a dry season now all I needed was God to send the rain so that a harvest may come. I had so many responses to that video about people joining with me to pray. Even a random girl from Poland saw my video and sent me a video message to let me know that she’s praying and believing with me. It left me feeling so encouraged. I even called up my mobilizer, squad mentor, and squad leader to let them know where I was with everything instead of being fearful of what they would say to me about needing $5000 with only ten days before the deadline. They each prayed for me over the phone and I immediately wished I had called them a lot sooner. Especially when I talked to my Squad Mentor Paul. He helped me to realize some things.
Paul told me it sounded like God brought me into a season to be okay with not being okay. It was literally the biggest smack to the face when he told that. It was exactly that. Its probably the number one thing I struggle with on a daily basis and was something I needed to accept before going on the race. Time after time I hold things in for too long until I reach a breaking point and have nothing left but to cry out to someone about it instead of letting it consume me any longer. God was showing me what it’s like to be vulnerable and allow people in instead of keeping them in the dark. I’m a person who loves to encourage others and pray on their behalf. I love people its just my heart. Now I’m in a place where I need the encouragement and I need the prayer from people because I just can’t pray about this by myself. I need the church. I need fellow believers. I need my brothers and sisters. Man was not created to do life on his own. I get it now.
God strikes again. He does whatever he needs too to get through to me. And ever since I realized that its okay to not be okay the funds started coming in again. I went from needing $5500 to only needing $3800 in a matter of three days. I still have only 5 days till the 21st to reach my deadline but this money is just a drop in the bucket to God. I’m not alone in seeing this miracle come into fruition. God is fighting for me and His people are praying with me. I trust him with whatever he has for my life and regardless of what happens come the 21st, I still choose Him!
You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.”
Psalm 63:1 NIV
