“sometimes we hurt the people that love us most because we know they’ll love us anyway”
A phrase so short but, so powerful. Something my mom would always say to me growing up. Why is it that we hurt the people closest to us? Is it because we know they’ll love us anyway? I think that is apart of it, yes.
For me, this phrase applies to my life in a variety of ways. I’ve seen hurt from the people I love the most just as I have hurt those closest to me. Ask my mom, she can talk about times when she has received the tail end of bad situations, attitudes, and unkind words from me speaking out of emotion and frustration being projected onto her from situations with other people. But, she continues to pour so much love into me each and everyday. She gives me grace and loves me anyway. Just as I have forgiven friends for unkind words, actions and situations I choose to love them anyway.
This phrase also applies to different seasons I’ve been in with my relationship with the Lord. I have ran far from the Lord. I have placed my identity in the people I have dated, the accomplishments I have achieved and the person who I feel like I was expected to be. All of these things He has helped me bring to the light and speak truth about. He has shown me that I can run as far as I want but he will always be there, waiting for me. He has helped me see all that I am in him. He has shown me love and affirmed me in ways no relationship could compare. He loves how hard I work for the accomplishments that I receive but he humbled me in knowing that I am nothing without him. He gives me grace each day.
Jeremiah 31:3 says
“Long ago the Lord said to Israel, I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn to you myself.”
The Lord has an everlasting love that he desires for us to know about, His love is never failing, He loves us anyway. This is something that he is stretching me in my journey here in Ometepe. For a long time I have struggled with my identity in the Lord and who he says I am. I’ve struggled with knowing that I am enough simply because I am His. I don’t have to be anything but His and He loves me despite my tendency to run, my lack of trust, my insecurities, my unwillingness to listen, my stubbornness, my fears, everything. He loves me anyway. I’ve struggled with loving myself and wondering why the Lord would love me if I couldn’t love who He created me to be. I’ve struggled with being seen in Him. I’ve struggled with speaking truth to all of these things.
Some truths:
I am His
I am enough
I am loved
I am seen
Sometimes it’s hard to see the truth when it’s so easy to fall into traps of the enemy. I fell into these traps. For years I have covered myself with shame & guilt. These things are not from the Lord. These things I covered myself in because I didn’t know where the Lord was in my life. I never felt worthy to be known. This is not what his unfailing love is designed for. The type of authentic love he created is handcrafted for vulnerability, bringing things to the light and loving the Lord back as hard as we can.
Opening my heart and allowing room for the Holy Spirit to pour into me is something I am still learning & growing in. Because after all “you can’t pour into others if you are empty yourself”.
Allowing myself to be filled has looked like sitting with the Lord. Being intentional with my time and actions. Journaling – a lot. Processing – more than I could have imagined. Worshiping hard. And lastly learning to love myself, for myself.
A lot of healing has been happening here in Nicaragua. Something tells me that the Lord is not only transforming the hearts here on this island but mine more than I could have ever imagined.
