where the heart is. (part 2)

It has taken me
longer than I wanted to write all this out. 
I didn’t know how to say it.  I
didn’t know how to put into words the feelings in my depths.  Maybe I just needed to let the story play out
a little.  Anyway, here it is. (sorry there aren’t any pictures.  they just didn’t seem to fit.) 

“Where is your
heart?” he asked.

I felt a weight sink deep into my stomach. 
I knew where this was going. 

“What do you want your life to be about?“ 

Well, I want it to be about helping people and solving problems and meeting
needs.  I want it to be about living out
passions and realizing dreams.  I want it
to be about relationships and intimacy and depth.  I want it to be about family and
friends.  I want it to be about being a
part of something bigger than myself.  But…if
I’m being completely honest…I also want it to be comfortable.  I want a guarantee – a security plan.  I want to know that I can do what I want when
I want.  I want to be sure I’m not going
to fail.  I want it to come with a salary
and benefits and a retirement package.  I
don’t really like asking for help, so I want to be able to provide for
myself.  Oh, and I also want it to be impressive
and interesting and glamorous.  And by
the way, the easier the better.

 

But that’s not
how it works.  Jesus doesn’t want
followers who hedge their bets.

I knew what God was asking me to do.  He
was asking me to move to Gainesville, Georgia, to continue working with
Adventures In Missions as part of their apprenticeship program.  But I didn’t want to do it.  Actually, part of me wanted to, and part of
me was scared and nervous and wanted a reason to say no. 

In so many ways
it is absolutely an ideal situation for me. 
I would get to move to Gainesville, live and work with friends from the
World Race, and continue to learn and soak up as much as I can from that
community.  Best of all, I would gain
valuable experience in and exposure to the non-profit world while helping grow
and facilitate the mission work being done at AIM – including the World Race –
a cause that is very close to me and that I passionately believe in. 

So that sounds
great, right?  Why not move down there
and do that?  One word.  Money. 
Just like last year, as a staff-member at AIM, I would have to raise
support and collect donations to supply my salary.  I do not like asking people for money.  I don’t like the uncertainty of not knowing
that I’ll receive a paycheck.  More than
that, I was jealous of the money my friends had been making while I was on the
World Race and I was ready to start catching up. 

But that’s not
what God is asking of me.  Yes, he is
asking me to go to Georgia, but more than that he is asking me to give up a
bigger salary and disposable income and benefits.  He is asking me to give up my search for the
“perfect” situation.  He was asking me to
give up comfort and safety.  He is asking
me to give up providing for myself.  He
is asking me to trust. 

“You’ve got to
step out and trust me on this.  I will
take care of you.  I have a plan for us,
and I’m the only safety net you need.“

In my head I
know I have heard and said and even experienced this before.  Shoot, I’ve even preached entire sermons
about it.  But I was still scared.  The what-ifs and maybes start to creep back
in.  What if I get it wrong?  How can I be sure? 

I just have to
jump and trust God.  For me, right now,
the only wrong decision is indecision. 
I’ve got to take a leap and go. 
Forget about all the various comparison charts and lists of pro’s and
con’s – this isn’t a head decision.  It’s
a heart choice.  At this point, it’s not
about what I commit to, but just that I choose to trust him and commit, knowing
that he is coming with me wherever I go. 

The deepest passions of my heart are ignited by the needs of the children of
God – physical, emotional, and spiritual. 
I truly believe I was made to change the world.  But the world has never been and never will
be changed by the play-it-safers.

 

So I’m moving to
Georgia.  The plan is actually to move
this weekend (weather permitting) and start work at AIM on Monday.  I’ll be taking part in the Apprenticeship
program focusing on a project called the Kingdom Dreams Lab, researching,
innovating, and strategizing new ways to bring the kingdom of God to
Earth.  Am I nervous?  Absolutely.  I don’t really even have a place to live
yet.  But I’m trusting and I’m
following.  I believe that God has big
things in store and I have to be willing to take those steps out into the
unknown to move forward down the path he has for me. 

 

In his book, Radical,
(which, if you haven’t read you absolutely need to) author David Platt writes,
“I do not claim to have all the answers. 
If anything, I have more questions than answers.  But if Jesus is who he said he is, and if his
promises are as rewarding as the Bible claims they are, then we may discover
the satisfaction in our lives and success…are not found in what our culture
deems most important but in radical abandonment to Jesus.” 

For the past two months I have struggled to plan out a path that would use
“what our culture deems most important” (money, stability, etc.) to achieve the
things God is asking of me.  I am moving
to Gainesville as an act of abandonment.  
I am going because his work in us is more important than his work
through us.  I am going because I want to
be a doer, not a talker.  I am going
because I don’t want my life to be governed or dictated by money.  I am going because I believe God has called
us to be world changers – and I plan on living out that calling as best I can.

 

I have absolutely
loved being on this journey with all of you and I hope it continues as I begin
this next chapter.  I cannot tell you how
much it means to have your love and support. 
Thank you for your prayers – please pray for safety as I move, for
provision to pursue these passions and dreams, and for guidance and strength as
I step into the unknown.