Sometimes when God is speaking to us about something it happens subtly, over months or even years, through observations, sound bytes, and serendipitous moments. Other times, he floods your world with direct conversations, books, podcasts, messages, and instantly applicable revelations. The past week has been the latter.
Last Monday, I talked about how this whole community conversation started in a cabin in the woods a week ago. The conversation is still continuing 8+ days later, in the form of various random recurrences throughout the week in multiple areas of my life. For me, it’s absolutely reinforcing the point that we are all made to live in community.
Why are we made this way?
Because our words carry profound amounts of weight that I don’t think most of us fully comprehend. Our words absolutely matter – especially the things we say about ourselves and others. These words have the ability to lift up and tear down, to build walls or shatter them. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of death and life, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Our community is composed of the voices we hear most often. They are those with whom we most regularly dialogue and converse. So, naturally, theirs are the voices which carry the most weight in our lives. And the people behind those voices hold the power to bring life, or death into every situation.
If you haven’t realized this on your own, the implications are monumental. Our lives are shaped and often defined, rightly or wrongly, by the things that are said about us. Our community influences our identity, and does so in three primary ways. (Initially I had planned on including all three of these in this blog, but the more I think about it, the more I write. So I’m going to break it up over the next three days, and keep each day short and sweet. You’re welcome.)
Community shapes our definition of who we are.
We build our understanding of ourselves based on our agreements or disagreements with various impulsions from our surroundings – our society. This can be almost anything – books, music, observations, experiences, etc. – but I believe the most powerful of all are the things people say about us.
We all, from birth, begin using our responses to these stimuli to form a picture in our minds of who we are and the roles we play in that society. We then test out our theories about our identity through a system of social checks and balances. We gradually take on and try out these personas until they are either affirmed or criticized. We have the ability to be whoever we want to be, whoever we decide we are – until someone else tells us we’re someone different.
For example, a little girl who is told by her father that she is beautiful will absolutely believe it – until that day comes when some stupid adolescent boy tells her she’s ugly. A young man will insist whole-heartedly that he is going to become president one day – until a teacher tells him he’s not smart enough.
The list goes on and on, and we can all add our own “examples.” Sometimes these interactions are constructive. Far too often, they are not. Ultimately we can choose to agree or disagree, but an emotional and spiritual transaction is inevitable. The natural proclivity of a broken individual is to sow brokenness, and in turn reap it upon themselves. As cliche as it may be, hurt people hurt people and the cycle reciprocates.
Until healed people break it.
I want to challenge you with something difficult today.
Think about the declarations that have been made about you and your life. I’d even challenge you to write them out. Who has shaped your identity through their words – either of life or death? Do you believe that you’re smart enough? Strong enough? Good enough? Pretty enough? Man enough?
If the answer is yes, thank the people who have affirmed and helped build you up. If the answer is no, why not? It is only in pulling apart and identifying the lies and death that have been spoken into our lives that we can begin to overcome them and replace them with truth.
